Author: John Page 52 of 121

Outbreak III – The Virus Takes London

(Image nicked from Modern Humorist – not entirely germane, but I couldn’t resist sharing.)

I’m almost ashamed to tell you this, but… well, I picked up a virus over the weekend.

No, it’s not that kind of story – and my wife knows all about it – but it was kind of embarrassing. I downloaded a trial copy of WinRAR from a normally reputable source, but it turned out that it was a ‘cracked copy’ into which someone had inserted some nefarious code.

As a result I got a silly message popping up on my laptop every few minutes, and every time I tried to log on to the interweb I got redirected to some spurious-looking site which offered to sell me a security fix (for the problem it had caused). Tch.

Anyway, I resolved it – if you also suffer the ‘intervalhehe’ virus, you can sort it out by following Andy Greenwood’s instructions here – but I was concerned for a bit that all the scripts on my computer were in danger, a prospect I was far from keen on.

So kids, learn from my mistake – if you’re downloading files from the internet, make sure it’s from a source you know you can trust!

Has Vince Vaughn Become The New Tim Allen?

Just, y’know, a thought.

But You Don’t Really Care For Music, Do Ya?

The latest series of TV show The X-Factor has just come to an end, and I have to admit to mixed feelings about the choice of song for the ‘winner’s single’.

I think Hallelujah is a genuinely beautiful song, and given that its creator, Leonard Cohen, had his retirement fund nicked by his (then) manager, it’s a good thing that he’ll benefit from the royalties, but… well, I’m pretty sure that it’ll be so heavily played in the next few weeks that it’ll end up like ‘that Bryan Adams Robin Hood song’.

To be fair, the rendition of it by the winner, Alexandra, isn’t bad at all (and is certainly better than the version by the runners-up), but I think my favoured performance remains that by KD Lang, which you can see and hear here.

Anyway, I like the irony of the third line of the song (quoted above) in a song performed by the winner of X-Factor…

Why Should We Believe Your Stance This Time, Eh ?

In 1977, you say you’re NOT; in 1995, you say you ARE.

Are you just going to change your mind again in 2013, Leonard?

And Now, To Provide A Counterpoint To The More Serious Tone Of The Preceding Posts, Here’s A Picture Of A Lovely Little Kitten

Oh dear.

Mind You, I Did Get A New Mousemat, So I Guess It Wasn’t All Bad

As I may or may not have mentioned before, I used to work for a publisher, in their Customer Services team. It was a pretty good job, and I was pretty good at it.

It got more difficult shortly after I started, though, as they introduced a new ‘order fulfillment system’, which had a minor, niggling, teeny flaw – it was an active obstruction to getting books to customers. It tested my customer placating skills, I can tell you, and those of my colleagues alike – and one of those colleagues was my good friend Toby.

One day, Toby and I were in the kitchen at work, chatting.
“You watch,” he said, “at times like this – when things are utterly chaotic – people tend to focus on the small things, and try to control them.”
“Is that because they’re the only things they can control?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he said, and smiled knowingly.

A couple of days later, the manager of our department gathered everyone round. We hoped that he might be able to tell us that the (non)fulfillment system was being sorted out or replaced, but no: he smiled, and proudly told us they had new company mousemats for everyone.

Sigh.

Anyway, given that the general mood of the world is that an economic nightmare is inescapably descending on us all, and that it appears nothing is certain any more, I can’t help but wonder if this is why people seem a bit too keen to complain about things on TV; a way of taking back control, as it were. Ross and Brand,a two-year-old episode of Mock The Week, and now there have been complaints about an advertisement for the children’s charity Barnardo’s, and it’s been referred to the Advertising Standards Authority.

I’ve seen the advert a number of times (and I think it’s viewable here), and I agree that it contains unsettling and upsetting material. But that’s not what offends me – far more offensive to any ‘ordinary decent person’, surely, is the fact that in a supposedly civilised country, we even need charities such as Barnardo’s or Save The Children or the NSPCC?

Now, I’m all offended and upset by the idea that people might want to complain about – if not shoot – the messenger. Who do I get to call and register my complaint?

Come Into The Lounge And Bring Your Backpack, I’m Going To Ramble About TV

There’s an article about the Shannon Matthews trial on the Guardian website which I think makes for very interesting reading, and though it’s quite lengthy, I urge you to have a look at it. Go on, I’ll wait here…

It triggered two thoughts in my mind, the first of which is that it’s perhaps revealing that the liberal Guardian should effectively be implying that the existence of a ‘state support framework’ can lead to some people becoming so reliant on it that they effectively become shielded from taking responsibility for their own actions. I can understand this, though – in a perhaps silly comparison, I think you can see this in any workplace or shared home, where some people don’t wash up their mugs or whatever because they’re so used to someone else tutting and doing it for them; on a wider level, I’m sure that there are people for whom more than mere crockery is involved, and who make a certain number of major decisions about their life – or don’t make the decisions at all – on the basis that someone will probably be there to catch them if they fall. Not so much a Nanny State as a substitute Mummy state in some cases, I fear. Anyway, that’s the social aspect of my thinking on it.

The other thought that it stirred was related to the effects of the media, and more particularly of the responsibilities of those involved, especially writers. The sentence in the article which triggered this was

“Her body language was borrowed from the daytime talk shows she rarely missed. She carried herself in court just as she would have done had she been on Jeremy Kyle’s stage with a caption underneath her reading ‘FIVE MEN LEFT ME WITH THEIR KIDS’.”

Now, I don’t know if this is entirely accurate in the case in question – it’s more editorialising than reportage – though I think lurking behind it is a notion which has occurred to me more than once; the idea that programmes such as The Jeremy Kyle Show, by their presentation of the sensational as everyday, can give the impression that they’re telling the viewer that “this is the way the world is”.

If you watched shows like this all day (and even with the limited number of TV channels I have access to, it seems pretty possible to do so, with all the Trishas and Jezzas and Montels and Rickis and Sally Jesses circulating on the schedules), you could easily get the idea that the best way to deal with disagreement is to shout at each other, and that the world is awash with self-serving folks whose only ambition is to obtain money and fame and have as much sex with as many people as possible without any concern for the consequences (anyway, if there’s a kid involved, then you can always have a DNA Test special to drag their ‘deadbeat dad’ into the spotlight).

There are quite a few people in the world who are like this, sure, but I’d like to think they’re not in the majority – but the prevalence of them on TV could easily lead to the impression that this is how ‘everyone else behaves’. And if everyone else is just going to try to screw you over (in whatever sense), what’s the point in you trying to be honest, or loyal, or whatever? “If you can’t beat ’em”, and all that.

I’m simplifying, sure, but I think there is a bleed between items portrayed in the media and reality; not only within the news and factual programmes where you can see items become very important very quickly only to drop off the agenda with equally startling speed (remember how SARS was going to kill everyone?), but also in fictional programmes and films. On this side of the screen and in the streets, it’s not tricky to spot people wearing Matrix-style coats, and large numbers of people appear to believe that they’re in a music video at any given time, and indeed I think this relates to the way people interact as well – soap operas all too often portray arguing and shouting and throwing things as the only way to resolve disagreements, and fidelity as an option, and so on, and I do wonder how often people look at these portrayals of the world and this yes, that’s how the world is.

I’m not saying that TV programmes shouldn’t present the world in this way – firstly, I wouldn’t presume to say what should and shouldn’t be done, and secondly I’m well aware that most of these elements are inserted into storylines to create conflict and drama (though the two should not be seen, as all too often seems to be the case, as being synonymous) – but I do wonder if this created world of never-ending conflict and rowing both presents an overly negative depiction of an ostensibly real world, and also means that dramas are constantly needing to up the ante to make things seem ever more dramatic; EastEnders famously had a huge ratings success with the Den-Angie marriage breakup story, which consisted of human-level actions (rows, presentation of divorce papers) played out in fiery language and with the occasional ‘dramatic’ scene (Angie’s attempted suicide), but now the major storylines tend to involve more visibly dramatic events such as murder (Emmerdale’s Tom King storyline, which I think is still unresolved after over a year), a man sleeping with his son’s wife and being buried alive by his wife by way of revenge (EastEnders), and a character being mown down by a driver hired by a jealous love rival (Coronation Street).

It’s fairly easy to poke fun at the glossy US soaps of the 1980s such as Dynasty, which had season cliffhangers featuring a wedding where terrorists broke in and shot (apparently) everyone, or where an alien spacecraft abducted one of the cast (okay, that was in the spin-off, but you know what I mean), and even to mock more recent soaps such as Passions or Night And Day for being ‘unrealistic’ and straying into the realms of the un-tetheredly fictional, but I think that you don’t have to look at the more extreme cases before you can argue that the storylines in current ‘reality-based’ drama could be more in line with the lives people actually lead.

If – as often seems to be the case in soaps or ‘continuing drama’ – you want to tell a serious story which actually informs the viewer about (to take recentish examples) being the parent of a child with Down’s Syndrome, or dealing with being HIV-Positive, then that’s going to be all the more powerful if it takes place in a locale that has some resonance with the viewer.

Last night’s episode of EastEnders focussed on their storyline about child molestation within a family unit, and whilst I think it was really quite well-written (with the exception of one line about being ‘used and abused’, which troubled me as I couldn’t decide if it was in-character cliché for Bianca or just too ‘on the nose’), I feel it’s more plausible if this sort of storyline doesn’t take place in a street where people bury their spouses alive or every third character has ties to the London Gangland (who, on the basis of recent episodes of Emmerdale, are opening branches – or at least nightclubs – around the country).

I’m not pretending to have any kind of well-formed solution to offer here, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be prescriptive about what can and can’t be put into fiction or media (other than to say “anything and everything”), and I’m sure I’m not saying anything new, but the above notions are currently churning round my mind like socks in a tumble dryer; I guess I’m perhaps driving vaguely towards the idea that writers may have ‘reponsibilities to the audience’ in some way, or perhaps that it’s simply important for stories to have a certain consistency of theme and tone, but as I seem to have lost myself rather in the tangle of these notions, in lieu of some neat conclusion, I’ll instead ask: what do you think?

Cover Story

Here then, the covers of the latest copies of two similarly-themed magazines: the Fortean Times (issue 243, running since the 1970s), and Paranormal magazine (issue 32, founded… er, I dunno, but I’m guessing it’s more recently).

Would I be out of line to suggest the similarity of design might not be an accident?

(Full disclosure: I’ve written for the FT before, but still…)

Sometimes I Put Books Together On My Bookcase To See If They’ll Start Fighting

My money’s on BTB, to be honest.

They Took The Words Right Out Of My Keyboard

In the light of the current trend for attacking the BBC, I was intending to write a strongly worded post on this topic, but it seems that the Writers’ Guild of GB has rather beaten me to it.

I urge you to read their recent Response To Ofcom’s Second Public Service Broadcasting Review – here’s the final paragraph, which I particularly liked:

“Manufacturing industry has been decimated; shipbuilding, mining and
steelmaking have disappeared; construction is grinding to a halt; the railways are in chaos; the financial services industry has an uncertain future, or perhaps no future. Public service broadcasting – and in particular the BBC – is one of the last areas in which we can truly be said to lead the world. Today it is at risk as never before. If we allow public service broadcasting to collapse, the only activity left in which Britain excels will be in waging foreign wars.”

…Nicely put, I feel.

Page 52 of 121

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