Category: Link Page 8 of 54

It’s Easy To Mock when You Don’t Really Know What You’re Talking About. And Often More Fun, Too.

As I mentioned last week, I’m not following The X-Factor, but of course that doesn’t mean I won’t make jokes about it.

Case in point:

Frequently Asked Questions: Why are the twins known as ‘Jedward’ when one is called John and the other Edward? Wouldn’t it be more fair if John got more than one letter of his name into the merged noun? And why is Edward’s name last?

Less Frequently Offered Answer: Because if a more equal approach was taken, their combined name would probably be ArdOhn.

Thanyew, laygennelmen, you’re very kind. I’m here all week.

Not Today, Or Next Sunday, Or Even The Sunday After That, But…

That’s right, a Sunday many years into the future.

But, as with global warming and the heat-death of the universe, as a species we need to take a step back and think about the long-term view, otherwise a shocking and terrible fate will befall us all.

What fate, you ask?

The boffins at Popjustice have the details.

I don’t know about you, but when my time comes, I think the lycra’s going to prove a problem. I don’t think I could pull it off. In all honesty, I don’t think I’ll be able to pull it on, either.

This Link Will Self-Destruct In 36 Hours

Thanks to the wondrous BBC iPlayer, one can not only watch TV programmes which you’ve missed, but you can also listen to radio programmes of interest.

One such programme – if you’re interested in writing – is called Write Lines, and was broadcast last week on BBC Radio Oxford. It’s the first of four parts, and is hosted by Sue Cook, with contributions from two published authors, a chap from Macmillan New Writing, and other folks who know about it.

Until 10.02pm tomorrow night, you can listen to the first episode here. There’s a bit more information about the show itself here.

Caution: Contains an isolated outbreak of Boyzone, but it’s an ideal point to make a cup of tea.

It’s Not Food On The Table, But…

Over at Dan’s Media Digest the eponymous Dan recently ran a competition to win copies of the film Moon, asking people to say, in 69 words or fewer, what they reckoned the best thing would be about living on the moon.

Well, paint my shins and call me Spangles, I only went and won it. I know, I’m as shocked as you are that my wordsmithing could lead to some kind of material (if not financial) gain.

Anyway, you can see my foolish but nonetheless winning entry here. And my thanks to Dan for selecting me as winner.

See? I don’t put Dan’s site in the link of recommended sites in the right-hand column for no reason – it’s very regularly updated, with well-written reviews of TV shows, and interesting snippets of media-related news. Definitely worth adding to your regular haunts, I’d say – and no, I’m not just saying that because he’s sending me a DVD.

..though it doesn’t exactly put me off.

Week, Three Kings

This makes the third mention of Stephen King on the blog in a week, I think, which is slightly unusual – but maybe it’ll go some way to balancing out the countless references to Twin Peaks, Alan Moore and tea.

Anyway, just a quick note to point you towards the online version of The New Yorker, where there’s a new short story from Mr King – specifically, here.

It’s called – as you can see from the picture – Premium Harmony, and I think it’s worth a look (as are his other stories for the magazine, which you can find via this page).

“But Professor, Isn’t There A Danger That It Could Become… Self-Aware?”

Many years ago, there was a BBC series called The Living Soap. It was a short-lived fly-on-the-wall documentary series about students in Manchester (so, fly-on-the-magnolia-painted-wall, then).

This was back in the early 1990s, and it was prescient of a lot of current TV reality fare, in that the students were filmed going about their everyday lives. However, unlike the majority of such shows which you’ll see now, the episodes were put out at much the same time as they were being made, which caused it to become a bit self-regarding; if memory serves, people in the show would find out things others had said or done by watching a previous episode and seeing events they’d not been present at, and this information would affect how they behaved. Or people in the street would insult or otherwise engage with members of the ‘cast’, on the basis of how they’d been portrayed in previous episodes.

Obviously, you can’t really aim for or maintain verite in that kind of situation, and the show was pulled earlier than planned. But I rather enjoyed it at the time – I’ve often found myself interested in programmes showing what happens when people are shoved together in an environment; perhaps because I’ve lived in a variety of shared houses in the past, both as a student and later in life. Anyway, the main lesson which seemed to be learned from The Living Soap was that you shouldn’t broadcast episodes of this sort of show while it’s still being filmed, as you end up with a snake-eating-its-tail situation.

A similar show (which started at around the same time) is MTV’s The Real World. Sticking together a handful of young people (have I just coined a collective noun there?) in a flat or apartment and filming what happened, this show’s one of MTV’s biggest successes, and runs to this day. We can pretend that it’s a fascinating social experiment or whatever, but really the appeal of the show is a more base one, that of having a good old nose at people’s private(ish) lives. I’m not being snobbish in saying that, as I have a great deal of fondness for The Real World, particularly the Seattle-based season.

The production company wisely chose to film all the episodes of The Real World before airing them, which seems to have worked on the whole, but the fact it’s broadcast, and has been for many years now, means cast members occasionally have things like “Real World sucks!” shouted at them in the street during filming. But more pertinently to the point I’ll get round to making eventually, the long-running nature of the show means that it’s become a bit of a magnet for people who want to be on TV or use it as a springboard to other careers.

I’d see this as a problem in production terms, because instead of having a programme about (say) seven average-ish people trying to get along in a flatshare, you end up with a flat containing a number of almost-stereotypes and wannabes: racists are invariably put alongside people of other races, political conservatives are put with liberals, homophobes with gay men, and so on. Add to that the fact that some of the people see the show as their calling card to stardom (despite all evidence to the contrary about such a ploy), and you can end up with an apartment which appears to have been deliberately populated with wannabes from a number of carefully-selected demographics (as The Onion pointed out).

Sure, it’s still interesting to watch (that base level of interest I mentioned above still applied), but it’s certainly a drift from the original intent, and a more self-regarding one again; perhaps inevitably over time, seeing people arguing over who gets what bed apparently isn’t enough, and instead there’s an expectation that the audience will want to see an alcoholic bisexual jumping into a swimming pool and losing her bikini top or something (Real World Hawaii, I think). In much the same way, Big Brother‘s first series featured a mix of people, but by the time the show was facing the axe, the house appeared to have been populated by caricatures whose motivation for auditioning appeared to be either a desire to seek the attention they didn’t get in their childhood, or to get a photospread in Nuts, Zoo, or both. No wonder Big Brother‘s ratings fell, why watch TV when you can see people attention-seeking or disrobing on any High Street in the UK any night of the week?

All of which brings me, circuitously, to the current series of TV singing talent contest The X Factor. I’ve not been watching this year, instead preferring to glean my information about the show from the front covers of pretty much all print media in the UK over the past month or so; in terms of long-term imprinting in my brain, this is pretty much the same as following it anyway because – let’s all be honest – the turnover of ‘stars’ in this programme makes a McDonald’s counter look like a place where people linger. There’s a current thing where Simon Cowell’s issuing press statements about an act called Jedward (whose schtick seems to be that they’re twins with haircuts like Yahoo Serious in Young Einstein) saying how much he hates them and wants them out, which of course makes the oh-so-wilful (though not very perceptive) audience vote for them to remain in the show… that’s phone voting, which of course means that money from each call goes into the coffers of SyCo, the production company behind the show, which is owned by, you guessed it, Simon Cowell. I don’t know Cowell personally, but I don’t know if the best way to show your disapproval and disagreement with him is to give him money. It looks suspiciously like positive reinforcement to me.

The link between the ‘reality shows’ I referred to earlier and The X Factor, I feel, is that as time has gone on, the latter has similarly had to up the ante; it’s become abundantly clear that the venn diagram-style overlap between the viewing audience and the people who’ll buy the winner’s CDs is pretty slight, so the voting process (with the call-in votes that cost money) becomes the greatest element of the story; fights – verbal and physical – or romances between the contestants fill acres of newsprint, the judges are friends or bitter rivals depending on which day of the week it is, judges issue decrees stating that certain acts are bound to win or should be kicked out, and there’s an amazing amount of speculation about who’ll get kicked out this week and who’ll win, even though that’s almost incidental (as the music is, much of the time) to the majority of the viewing audience.

It doesn’t seem to be enough that someone with moderate singing ability (and I say ‘someone’ as opposed to ‘some people’ because groups rarely win – in fact, has a group ever won The X Factor?) is plucked from obscurity, given some voice training and a new wardrobe and propelled to the top of the charts by a huge marketing and management campaign – a series of events which is rare and unusual enough to surely be of note; it seems we need them to have overcome some personal hardship such as a life-threatening illness or the death of a supportive relative, a vicious bit of catfighting in bootcamp, a bad choice of song in the semi-finals, and then some pantomime slating from one of the judges, before being crowned the winner and releasing some suitably rousing song in time for Christmas. And then they’re promptly pretty much forgotten about for the best part of a year, when they’re wheeled out to ride the (almost identical) wave of publicity and hoo-hah surrounding the new series (unless they don’t bother, which sometimes happens; Leon Jackson, for example). The show may be startlingly aware of itself and the need to feign conflict and drama and tragedy, but it’s reliant on the viewing (and voting) public being oblivious to such machinations.

Many years ago, I went for an interview for a job in Virgin Megastore. The chap asked me what kind of music I liked, and I replied – as I probably would now – that I tended to like bands or artists who had more than one album to them. The chap looked vaguely appalled, and I didn’t get the job – only years later did it occur to me that the ‘one hit album or single’ churn was probably a sizable amount of business for music shops, and by extension the music industry. And in a similar way, I suspect that the production team of The X Factor has realised that the journey (a word which is often used without any kind of self-awareness in such shows) is more important than the destination. You may not be able to convince people to splash out on the Eoghan Quigg CD, but you can issue ‘shocking statements’ to try to convince them that paying for premium rate phone calls to keep Jedward in the race for first place is worth it. Or pursue any other tactic to keep press coverage running between shows and generate a sense of importance about the whole thing.

I know what you’re thinking: John, you think about this stuff waaaaay too much. And you might well be right, but I say this in response: Everything I’ve said above about The X Factor has almost certainly been thought (if not explicitly stated in meetings) by people on the production team. I’m not a marketing and money-making genius, but you can bet your calls made after this time will not be counted but may still be charged that SyCo has several such geniuses on their payroll.

Anyway, I want Jimmy Nipples to win. He’s still in it, right? No? Oh. He must have been knocked the other week or something. See, told you I wasn’t really paying attention to it.

My Prejudices Confirmed, In A Way

When I moved to Yorkshire at the age of ten (well, not on my own, it was a family thing), I heard a lot of comments about what life was like ‘in the South’, and about the people who lived there.

Which was interesting, because I’d never thought of myself as living in any place with a particular allegiance or whatever, it was just, as a child might think, where I lived, and the people who lived there, just, er, lived there. Living there didn’t seem like some kind of allegiance to a patricular way of life, it was, at that age, just what my life was like.

So I was often kind of nonplussed at remarks people made about ‘southerners’ (though I’d be lying if I pretended that every single remark didn’t in some way, inform my growing body of opinions about ‘northerners’), particularly the comment that the father of a girl I was seeing in my teen years made about my family having moved to the North so we could have a bigger house. Yes, that’ll have been the rationale for the move – embarrassingly, my parents didn’t go the whole hog and move to Scotland, where we could presumably have had an estate like something out of Monarch Of The Glen, but hey you can’t have it all, I guess.

A lot of these comments were, it has to be said, pretty ill-informed, and I know people who’ve moved from the city to a more bucolic life only to be on the receiving end of comments about ‘townies not knowing the ways of the country’ (though apparently people who’ve grown up on a farm and rarely left the village have some kind of innate understanding of the ways of the urban metropolis and its dwellers).

The point I’m trying – and probably failing – to make is that all too often our opinions of other people and their lives are based more on guesswork and suspicion (and in some cases fear) than actual, material facts. I’m almost certainly as guilty of this as everyone else… actually, I take that back, and point you towards a rather fascinating collation of information:

Depiction of BNP membership overlap with non-white populations in the UK

… now, I’d prefer to think I’m less prone to the ‘making up reasons to dislike people without actually knowing if the reasons are true’ tendency that this image suggests your average BNP member is guilty of, but I think you can see my underlying point: the vast majority of BNP members, it would seem, hold their opinions about non-white people with only very limited knowledge about what they’re actually like. I suspect it’s that fear of ‘other’ that somehow gives rise to the dislike, and creates what is, in the strict sense of the word, pre-judice.

Anyway, the site I swiped that link from is run by a chap called David McCandless. There are many similarly interesting conglomerations of information on the rest of his site, it’s worth your time.

But to end this post on a note which is probably less contentious than issues of race or north versus south, and which I found unintentionally very amusing, I’d like to illustrate my general point with a comment made by a friend of mine when were chatting about at school, and which harks back to yesterday’s post in a way; he said, and these were his exact words,

“I’ve never read any books by Stephen King, because they’re all shit.”


(Simon – or, indeed, Mr K: if you’re reading this, I disagreed then, and I still disagree now, okay?)

King Dome, But Not The Hospital

As part of their promotional push for the new Stephen King novel Under The Dome, Hodder and Stoughton are holding a writing competition.

The idea is that you ‘take your inspiration from the new novel’ (in whatever way you interpret that), and send your creative writing in, and if you win Stephen King will read your writing and you get a signed copy of the book. Not a bad prize, all things considered, and you have until 15 December to send in your piece of 2,000 words or less (they’re also running some non-writing competitions, but they close tomorrow).

Details of all the competitions are here, but the writing one in particular can be found by clickety-clicking here.

I have a vague notion of an idea for it, and it’s not an onerous wordcount to do in a month or so, so I might have a go… if you enter, let me know how you get on.

November Projects – Dare Any Of You Combine Them?

So, it’s November and those of us who live near the Greenwich Meridian Line are all rejoicing in the benefits of an extra hour on our hands. So, if you’re struggling to find ways to fill your time, and are looking for something to do this month, the following November-based projects may be of interest…

National Novel Writing Month
Slightly misnamed, as it’s now very much an interNational thing, but the idea of ‘NaNoWriMo’, as we hipsters call it, remains the same: to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November.

Obviously, that’s a fair amount of writing (over 1000 words a day), and it takes a bit of dedication, but hey, it’s getting cold outside, so staying in with a cup of tea and writing is far from the worst way you could spend your time… on second thought, I might well say that at any time of year, but on this occasion there’s a whole community of people (both online and in the real world) who’ll support you as you aim for 50,000 words. Go to the NaNoWriMo site and see what I mean.

I’ve had a go at this a couple of times, and whilst it’s to my considerable shame that I’ve never made it over the finishing line (and for the record, you don’t have to stop then, you can carry on writing until you feel the story’s finished), I liked the feeling that there were other people who were doing the same crazy thing.

The other suggestion I have is slightly more gender-specific, for it is…

Movember
Yes, that’s November with an M, for this challenge involves growing a mo…ustache.

Okay, so the name’s arguably a bit of a stretch (what were they gonna call it, Philtrum-foliage-February?), but the aim is simple, and the motivation good ‘n philanthropic: participants should try to grow a moustache over the course of the month – no sideburns or beard, just the ‘tache – and get friends to sponsor you, with the proceeds going to prostate cancer charities. Full details can be found here.

Actually, given that I’ve met some of you folks face-to-face, perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to suggest that it’s only the gents who could grow a moustache… oh dear, I’ve gone too far, haven’t I ? Don’t dwell on it, though, check out this link to the manliest moustaches of all time! Grrr, how macho are they? The pictures positively seethe with manly hormones.

In fact, I think – at long last – I can feel puberty coming on.

For ‘Livejournal’, Read ‘Blog’

If you’re not familiar with the webcomic XKCD, I heartily recommend it.

Or, as it’s Sunday afternoon, you might prefer to walk around the world instead.

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