I found this CD the other day, and try as I might, I can’t identify the artist.
Anyone out there in blogland have any idea who it is ?
Category: Fish In A Barrel Page 20 of 23
Secret [see-krit]
– noun. Something kept hidden or concealed; a mystery, reason or explanation not immediately or generally apparent; a method, formula, plan, etc., known only to the initiated or the few.
– adjective. Something not on the cover of a tatty celebrity magazine.
[Telephone connection is made]
Australian National Eric Bana: Hello?
Unknown voice: Eric, baby. It’s your agent here. How are ya?
Bana: I’m fine, thanks. What’s new? Got anything good for me?
Unknown: Well, just got a new script in this morning, but I don’t think it’s quite right, really.
Bana: Not quite right? Why?
Unknown: I’ll send it over, but it’s a historical drama – and after Troy, I didn’t think you’d be into that.
Bana: Hmm, you might be right. Still, what’s it about?
Unknown: That English King, Henry the Eighth.
Bana: What, the chubby King? That’s not very flattering, is it?
Unknown: No, but I think they’re trying to move away from the stereotype.
Bana: I guess so – like Colin Farrell having highlights when he played Alexander the Great.
Unknown: Something like that, yes.
Bana: Anyway, so I’d be playing Henry the Eighth?
Unknown: That’s the offer.
Bana: Who’s the director?
Unknown: Justin Chadwick.
Bana: I’ve never heard of him.
Unknown: No, you wouldn’t have, it’s his first movie.
Bana: Oh, right. What about the screenwriter?
Unknown: It’s Peter Morgan. He wrote that film about the Queen the other year.
Bana: That was nominated for an Oscar, wasn’t it? Hmm, that’s a bit more promising. What’s the basic premise?
Unknown: You play Henry, and the two Boleyn sisters fight over you. I’ll be honest, Eric, I think you’re the last major character to be cast, and the money might not be too good.
Bana: Okay, I understand. So who’s attached to it already? Who are the women who’ll be fighting over me?
Unknown: Hold on a second, I’ll just check… yes, here we are. Natalie Portman plays Anne Boleyn, and Scarlett Johansson plays her sister Mary.
Bana: And there are love scenes with both of them?
Unknown: In the script I’ve got here, yes.
Bana: Tell them I’ll do it for ten dollars.
Spotted in the London Paddington branch of WHSmith. I like to think that the near-obliteration of the A and the subtle amending of the G into an O is entirely deliberate.
And while we’re taking cheap shots, is it just my imagination, or is that one of the least convincing photo-montage jobs of all time? Sergeant Pepper’s looked more like all the people were actually there, and that was in 1967 or so.
(Note to my American readers: don’t be fooled by Morgan’s appearance on various TV shows over there, he’s not any kind of representative of the UK; for example,not many of us Limeys have been fired from our newspaper editing jobs for publishing fake photos purporting to show British servicemen urinating on Iraqi prisoners. In fact, the number of British people who are on record for doing so is very slight – just 1 in something like 60 million.)
Spotted in London last week, a sharp reminder of the need to always read the small print at the bottom.
In what way are the sweets like a jacuzzi, I wonder?
So, first there was the film First Blood, the title of which makes sense.
Then the follow-up was called Rambo :First Blood Part II. So, a sequel number with a subtitle-type-thing. Okay.
But the third film was called Rambo III, which suggests Rambo I and II had preceded it, right? They hadn’t, though – unless First Blood Part II was actually called Rambo… but if that was the case, why is the new film in the series just called Rambo? Surely it should be Rambo IV (if it follows Rambo III in the series, which it seems to chronologically), or even Rambo II, to plug the missing gap between Rambo (First Blood Part II) and Rambo III, if it were a ‘prequel’… but I don’t think it is.
Oh, my head hurts from thinking about it all. We know Sylvester can count – he had no trouble using roman numerals on the Rocky films, did he? Then again, he did call the last one by the character’s full name, so maybe I should just stop dwelling on this pedantry.
I have to say, you never have this problem with the work of his french relative Arthur Rambo*.
*This terrible pun first used in my earshot by my father, who used to say that you could tell a person’s intellect by asking ‘what do you think of the work of [phonetic] Ramm-boe?’ I’ve since seen it in other places, including Grant Morrison and Paul Grist’s comic St Swithin’s Day.