Australian National Eric Bana: Hello?
Unknown voice: Eric, baby. It’s your agent here. How are ya?
Bana: I’m fine, thanks. What’s new? Got anything good for me?
Unknown: Well, just got a new script in this morning, but I don’t think it’s quite right, really.
Bana: Not quite right? Why?
Unknown: I’ll send it over, but it’s a historical drama – and after Troy, I didn’t think you’d be into that.
Bana: Hmm, you might be right. Still, what’s it about?
Unknown: That English King, Henry the Eighth.
Bana: What, the chubby King? That’s not very flattering, is it?
Unknown: No, but I think they’re trying to move away from the stereotype.
Bana: I guess so – like Colin Farrell having highlights when he played Alexander the Great.
Unknown: Something like that, yes.
Bana: Anyway, so I’d be playing Henry the Eighth?
Unknown: That’s the offer.
Bana: Who’s the director?
Unknown: Justin Chadwick.
Bana: I’ve never heard of him.
Unknown: No, you wouldn’t have, it’s his first movie.
Bana: Oh, right. What about the screenwriter?
Unknown: It’s Peter Morgan. He wrote that film about the Queen the other year.
Bana: That was nominated for an Oscar, wasn’t it? Hmm, that’s a bit more promising. What’s the basic premise?
Unknown: You play Henry, and the two Boleyn sisters fight over you. I’ll be honest, Eric, I think you’re the last major character to be cast, and the money might not be too good.
Bana: Okay, I understand. So who’s attached to it already? Who are the women who’ll be fighting over me?
Unknown: Hold on a second, I’ll just check… yes, here we are. Natalie Portman plays Anne Boleyn, and Scarlett Johansson plays her sister Mary.
Bana: And there are love scenes with both of them?
Unknown: In the script I’ve got here, yes.
Bana: Tell them I’ll do it for ten dollars.