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My Brother And I Once Got A Bit Lost In New York. A Woman Approached Us, Carrying Some Liquid Soap. “She’s Going To Wash Us To Death,” My Brother Said

Consider, if you will, the following; the first two are taken from Twin Peaks, and are spoken by Moriarty-like villain Windom Earle, and the third quote is from Rupert Giles in Buffy The Vampire Slayer:

Earle:
“…A place of almost unimaginable power, chock full of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw for sprits there care not for good deeds or priestly implications. They are likely to rip the flesh from your bones then greet you with a happy “good day”. And of the highest, these spirits in this hidden land of unmuffeled screams and broken hearts offer up a power so vast that its bearer might reorder the Earth, to his liking. Now this place is called the Black Lodge…”
[2×19]

Earle:
“…These evil sorcerers, dugpas, they call them, cultivate evil for the sake of evil and nothing else. They express themselves in darkness for darkness, without leavening motive. This ardent purity has allowed them to access a secret place of great power, where the cultivation of evil proceeds in exponential fashion. And with it, the furtherance of evil’s resulting power. These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion. The dugpas have many names for it, but chief among them is the Black Lodge…”
[2×20]

Giles:
“…The Spanish who first settled here called it ‘Boca del Infierno’. Roughly translated, ‘Hellmouth’. It’s a sort of, um, portal between this reality and the next.”
[1×2]

The Lodges in Twin Peaks owe a lot to the thinking of the Theosophists, granted, but I think it’s a fairly common idea that places can become in some way batteries for bad feelings, or centres of negativity.

I guess we’ve all known of places which somehow have a ‘bad vibe’, whether it’s a case of turning a corner in an unfamiliar area and getting a ‘bad feeling’, or the many reports of places that migrating birds avoid and the like. I suspect it’s more prevalent in fiction than reality (though tales of the Amityville House arguably straddle both those camps), but I somehow find the idea that a location can, in itself, be ‘bad’ and bring nothing but trouble for anyone who strays there, very interesting.

And if nothing else, it certainly explains the lives of the residents of Albert Square.

Today’s picture, incidentally, is by Gustave Dore, and is called The Gates Of Hell. Good artist, I think you’d agree.

Easy Target, Easy Like Sunday Morning…

Obviously, the adverts for plates and dolls and figurines in the Sunday newspaper colour magazines are always good for a laugh, but sometimes they surprise even me.

Today, I spy an advert for this delightful Diana figurine from the Bradford group.

The description says “A breathtaking vision of style and grace, Princess Diana melted the hearts of millions around the globe. With her radiant beauty, engaging personality and stunning sense of style, Diana captivates the imaginations of people from all walks of life. And ten years after her passing, she’s still considered to be one of the most beloved women in the world.”

Which is all very well and good, but until this morning, I didn’t realise she was nineteen feet tall.

Script Frenzy 2009

It’s a few days into this year’s round of ScriptFrenzy.

You may have heard of this before – rather like a National Novel Writing Month for screenplays, the idea is to try to write 100 pages in screenplay form by the end of April. It doesn’t have to be one screenplay, and I think you can submit 100 pages out of a longer script as long as you’ve written them during April. I say ‘submit’ but it’s not as if there’s some stern judging panel or anything like that – it’s all in fun, and very much works on an honesty system, though I think you can submit your chunk of pages in a scrambled form to validate your page count. As for prizes, I think you can download certificates or icons or what have you, but I think the idea is more to feel the satisfaction of having done a healthy chunk of writing.

Anyway, is anybody out there having a go at this? I know it’s already underway, but it seems quite fun, and it could be an amusing spur for me to get on with a script which I’ve probably been thinking about for too long…

Oh, and did I mention that it’s free of charge to take part? I didn’t? Well, it is.

Oh My Goodness Me

Perhaps a long time after everyone else in the world, I only found this today, but I have to share.

Don’t be fooled by the opening bit, it’s not just the Shat sitting and ‘singing’… well, not alone, anyway.

He brings friends.

Remarkable, I think you’ll agree.

In Film Terms, It Equates To Some Magnificent Ambersons Footage Being Found

The best part of two decades ago, the comic Big Numbers was launched. As you can see from the cover here, it was co-created by Alan Moore and Bill Sienkiewicz.

In a deliberate move away from the usual comic tendency towards superheroes (okay, more usual then than it is now, but it’s still predominant), Big Numbers was intended to be a 12-issue series featuring pretty much everyday people in the fictional midlands town of Hampton. I say ‘intended’ because only two issues were ever published.

After two issues, Bill Sienkiewicz decided not to continue with the series, and the plan was for his assistant, Al Columbia, to take up the artistic reins, but for whatever reason (and in the comic world, a number of myths about this have developed in the absence of facts), Al was unable to do so.

And so that was where things have been since about 1990, when issue two was published… until this week, when it seems a photocopy of issue three turned up on eBay, and one lucky bidder not only bought it, but was kind enough to (with Alan Moore’s permission) post it on the internet for all to see.

If it’s some kind of hoax (and the post date is before April Fool’s Day), I have to say it’s a pretty darn convincing one; the style of the story, the dialogue and certainly the artwork look very much like the real thing, so if you ever read Big Numbers, or have heard about it, or heck, just want to see a comic by two very talented comic creators, well then hie thee over to the link above. Incidentally, don’t be put off by the fact they’re scans of a photocopy; the scans are very high resolution.

And if this rather niche comic-related post isn’t your thing – abnormal service will be resumed in the next post, honest.

Les Poissons D’Avril

Quite nicely done ads for fake items, though I suspect the links may die at midday…

iREMember Dream Recorder

SatNav Shoes

Powdered Beer

(I have no affiliation with Firebox, though I’ve ordered from them several times and have always been happy with the results.)

Today’s Amazing Celebrity Fact

Jeffrey Beaumont from Blue Velvet and Rick Deckard from Blade Runner heavily influenced Kanye West’s distinctive eyewear.

BBC Writersroom : Armando Iannucci Q&A

This seems to be tucked away in one of the back pockets of the BBC Writersroom site, so it may have escaped your notice…

On Wednesday 15 April 2009 from 5:00pm to 6:30pm at the Soho Theatre in London, Armando Iannucci will be talking about In The Loop, the new film semi-spin-off from The Thick Of It. No doubt, though, he’ll be asked (and hopefully answering) questions about other work from his resume.

It’s free to attend, though you need to get your name on the list, which you can do by e-mailing writersroom.events@bbc.co.uk, with the subject line “Armando Iannucci Q&A.”

That’s about all you need to know, but if you want to be sure I’m not just making it all up (I might be hopped up on a dangerous combo of tea and chocolate), the official page about it is here.

I’m planning on attending, howsabout you?

Everything I Know About The Devil I Learned From Films

According to Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist”. And yet the devil seems to have left us quite a lot of information about him/herself, and a lot of it is recorded via the medium of film.

So, let’s take a look at some of the evidence, and see if we can begin to form an idea of where the Devil might be lurking. Because from what little I know about such matters, the Devil’s meant to be something of a rotter, and should probably be tracked down and apprehended as soon as possible.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:
The Devil is a woman, has seven faces, and wears Prada, notably a blue dress.

KNOWN ASSOCIATES:
The Devil has been known to associate with Miss Jones, Max Devlin, Daniels Webster and Johnston (and, though this is unverified, Robert Johnson). The Devil has a daughter, and another child of unspecified gender. The Devil also has a muse. Whilst the Devil takes some people on as his own, some people are rejected. Anecdotally, the Devil has my woman, though I see little evidence to this effect.

RELATED ACCESSORIES:
The Devil owns a playground, containing a chair. This chair is presumed to have orthopaedic qualities, the better to support the backbone.

TRANSPORTATION:
The Devil reportedly came on horseback, and is known to ride out. You may ride or race with the devil, possibly simultaneously.

HABITS:
The Devil is skilled at arithmetic. It is possible to dance with the Devil (this is corroborated by previous reports of the Devil having access to the best tunes).

KNOWN ADDRESSES AND RELATED LOCATIONS:
Whilst reportedly originating from Akasava, reports have more recently come in of the Devil from Doubt, Hot Springs and Hollywood (all claims currently being verified).

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
The Devil has been known to accept candles, handshakes and sympathy.

…Given all this, taking the investigative approach from the detection training system Guess Who? as illustrated above, how difficult should it be to find the Devil? A seven-faced woman in a blue Prada dress on horseback should be pretty easy to spot, surely.

Yes, He Appears To Have Dropped An H From The Album Title, But Otherwise His Diction Is Impeccable

As Steve reported back in November, he and I went to see The IT Crowd being filmed. Afterwards I pretty much forced Matt Berry, one of the stars, to shake my hand as he left the Green Room, and I rather stumblingly congratulated him on a good performance that evening. He was very pleasant about this, and seemed like a nice chap.

Flashforward to now, and as if to emphasise his decency, Matt’s made a free download of his new album Witchazel available on the interweb. Look, there’s a picture of it above. And it appears that none other than Paul McCartney is featured on one of the tracks. Crikey.

I don’t know what it’s like where you are, but I’ve just looked out of the window and it’s rather rainy, so why not stay in, get yourself a cup of tea (or coffee, or even absinthe if you prefer), and listen to some music?

You can download it here.

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