Author: John Page 41 of 121

Everything I Know About The Devil I Learned From Films

According to Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist”. And yet the devil seems to have left us quite a lot of information about him/herself, and a lot of it is recorded via the medium of film.

So, let’s take a look at some of the evidence, and see if we can begin to form an idea of where the Devil might be lurking. Because from what little I know about such matters, the Devil’s meant to be something of a rotter, and should probably be tracked down and apprehended as soon as possible.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:
The Devil is a woman, has seven faces, and wears Prada, notably a blue dress.

KNOWN ASSOCIATES:
The Devil has been known to associate with Miss Jones, Max Devlin, Daniels Webster and Johnston (and, though this is unverified, Robert Johnson). The Devil has a daughter, and another child of unspecified gender. The Devil also has a muse. Whilst the Devil takes some people on as his own, some people are rejected. Anecdotally, the Devil has my woman, though I see little evidence to this effect.

RELATED ACCESSORIES:
The Devil owns a playground, containing a chair. This chair is presumed to have orthopaedic qualities, the better to support the backbone.

TRANSPORTATION:
The Devil reportedly came on horseback, and is known to ride out. You may ride or race with the devil, possibly simultaneously.

HABITS:
The Devil is skilled at arithmetic. It is possible to dance with the Devil (this is corroborated by previous reports of the Devil having access to the best tunes).

KNOWN ADDRESSES AND RELATED LOCATIONS:
Whilst reportedly originating from Akasava, reports have more recently come in of the Devil from Doubt, Hot Springs and Hollywood (all claims currently being verified).

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
The Devil has been known to accept candles, handshakes and sympathy.

…Given all this, taking the investigative approach from the detection training system Guess Who? as illustrated above, how difficult should it be to find the Devil? A seven-faced woman in a blue Prada dress on horseback should be pretty easy to spot, surely.

Yes, He Appears To Have Dropped An H From The Album Title, But Otherwise His Diction Is Impeccable

As Steve reported back in November, he and I went to see The IT Crowd being filmed. Afterwards I pretty much forced Matt Berry, one of the stars, to shake my hand as he left the Green Room, and I rather stumblingly congratulated him on a good performance that evening. He was very pleasant about this, and seemed like a nice chap.

Flashforward to now, and as if to emphasise his decency, Matt’s made a free download of his new album Witchazel available on the interweb. Look, there’s a picture of it above. And it appears that none other than Paul McCartney is featured on one of the tracks. Crikey.

I don’t know what it’s like where you are, but I’ve just looked out of the window and it’s rather rainy, so why not stay in, get yourself a cup of tea (or coffee, or even absinthe if you prefer), and listen to some music?

You can download it here.

REVIEW : Knowing

This is the new film from director Alex Proyas, and starring Nicolas Cage. It concerns a chap who realises that a list of numbers found in a time capsule from 1959 are a code which gives details of disasters (both man-made and natural) which occurred after the time capsule was buried – and, he realises, there are numbers covering future dates as well. An intriguing premise, which is why I went to see it.

I’m not entirely sure that the film quite makes good on the promise in the premise, mind, and given the way it’s been advertised, other audience members may be left feeling slightly duped; it’s been trailed more like a thriller with supernatural undertones, which isn’t really very accurate at all, as it’s much more of a science fiction film. And I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea – one woman outside the cinema complained rather loudly about the sudden veer into SF towards the end (if you’ve ever seen The Watcher In The Woods, it’s in that sort of vein).

Anyway, it’s not a bad film, for all that; Cage isn’t an actor who draws me to the cinema just by his name being on the poster, but he turns in a decent enough performance here – though the grieving widower father isn’t a million miles away from Mel Gibson’s role in Signs, though that’s more to do with the script than his playing of it, I think. The rest of the cast are perfectly fine, too.

The pacing of the film is a bit uneven; it’s a bit slow at the start when the story’s being laid out, then it kicks into a much faster pace when the disasters start happening (the first major one is very effective indeed, and is all in one take; the second is more grisly but none the less well done), and then it keeps going with a gradual unravelling of what’s going on until the aforementioned ending. The direction of the film kind of matches this, only really livening up when there’s mayhem on the screen, but it’s perfectly watchable, and you’re never in any doubt what’s going on.

While I was watching the film, I enjoyed it, but afterwards, a few stray plot threads kind of niggled at me (skip to the next paragraph to avoid the semi-spoilers); why, if the various fates were inevitable, were people given the power to predict them? Since the film bothers to bring up pre-destination versus free will, why were the results of the former all so gloomy? Given the ‘EE’ situation, what could Koestler or any of the other characters have done to show they were learning from the events ? What were the tall strangers there for – help, or just watching the end times? And what were the black stones for?

These questions aside – and only one of them (the first, but don’t look back if you don’t want spoilage) is a really huge plot problem to my mind – Knowing is an enjoyable enough film, as long as you don’t mind a side order of science fiction with your on-screen destruction. Worth seeing at the cinema for the well-filmed disaster sequences (which are suitably unnerving), but if you have a big screen and good speakers, you can quite cheerfully wait for it to come out on rental.

In The Olden Days We Used To Make Our Own Entertainment

And film poster manopods used to have to make their own pretend scissors.

Now? They get real scissors, and act irresponsibly with them.

It’s a sign of the end times, I tells ya.

Classic Example Of Token Gesture Posting

It’s bedlam in Johnworld today, so I won’t stop, but let me just point you towards what, by any measure, must be a terrific bargain of a deal:

99 well-known pieces of classical music for £3 – might be a pricing error, so grab it while you can.

And then play them loudly. Nessun dorma, and all that.

I Tend To Call Them ‘Comics’ Because The Term ‘Graphic Novel’ Could Apply To American Psycho

There are many problems facing the US comic industry right now; sales of individual issues have generally dropped, there are now minimum orders which can be placed before the main distributor will carry an item, comic shops are closing down, and whilst the sales of collected volumes are up, it’s hard to gather the individual issues into a bundle if the issues run, oh I dunno, three years late.

Anyway, one way that Marvel comics recently(ish) tried to attract new readers was by creating a new range of comics for new readers, which stripped away the decades of continuity attached to many well-known characters, and started from scratch. I think the idea was that these, unlike many comics, would be sold in places like Wal-Mart as well as specialist comic shops, but that plan didn’t pan out, and the titles have kind of ended up being another, slightly alternate, mini-line from Marvel. A pretty good idea at heart, but the distribution of the issues seems to have dented the plan, and now they’re winding the line up.

One of the final issues in this particular line of comics is shown above, and you’ll notice that I’ve avoided naming either the comic line or any of the titles, because I want to ask non-comic readers this question: if you saw this comic on the shelf, what would you say its name was ?

(If you said Ultimatum, it’s a good guess, but not quite; the correct answer is …this.)

I think it was Stan Lee (co-creator of Spider-Man, the Hulk, and many other characters) who once suggested that every issue of a comic is someone’s first issue, and in terms of accessibility that’s something worth bearing in mind; is it so hard to make sure this approach extends to the front bleeding cover?

A Little Night Music

I nicked this from Kevin Lehane’s blog (hi, Kevin, hope you don’t mind); a great song, performed across national borders…


Stand By Me from David Johnson on Vimeo.

Good, innit? Go on, play it again. You know you wanna.

You Only Need To Do One Thing To Ensure Your Novel Is Acclaimed …

… title it with reference to something a girl is wearing.

NB: Works just as well for tattoos as clothes or accessories.

Tch, It’s As Bad As The Rejuvenation (And Shaving) of Cap’n Birdseye

Illustrated for your comparison pleasure, the old and new versions of the advertising character Mr Muscle.

His appearance seems to have changed from Clark Kent* to Superman, which is a bit disconcerting.

Are steroids involved, do you think?

*Or a young Stephen Merchant.

This Web Is Big Enough For The Both Of Us

I’ve mentioned his skills as a photographer before, but my official wedding photographer and pal Toby has started blogging.

As well as being skilled at filling SD cards with choice images, Toby’s rather a fan of eastern philosophy and the more ambient end of the musical spectrum, so I’m certain that his blog will provide a counterpoint to, say, this blog, which is all too often a series of cheap digs at things in the public eye, with the occasional comment on things related to writing.

So, hop over to his blog for a less sarcastic, and more mellow, outlook on things.

Now I’ve said that, I bet he posts something brimful with venom and bile. He’s contrary like that…

Page 41 of 121

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