Homophobes Who Quote The Bible
They say: “Yeah, well, it’s not natural – after all, in the Bible, it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”
You say: “Ah, but the Bible clearly advocates incestous same-sex relationships.”
They say: “What?”
You say: “Well, the first children born were Cain and Abel, not Cain and Mabel.”

People Who Use Words They Don’t Understand
They say: “Are you inferring I’m [whatever it is they think you’re implying]?”
You say: “No, but I’m certainly inferring that you don’t know the meaning of the word ‘infer’.”

People who are trying to scare you into not doing something
They say: “If you do [whatever], there’ll be hell to pay.”
You say: “Well then, I hope Satan takes Mastercard.”
(And then you go ahead and do [whatever].)