Fish In A Barrel – Page 5

Nine Popular Maxims – Now With Added Experience-Derived Commentary

On 29/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, List, Uncategorized

Better out than in applies to sharing of feelings, not flatulence

If you want to be popular, if you’ve got it, flaunt it tends to refer to cleavage or a six-pack stomach, not intelligence

Possession is nine-tenths of the law, but if you study it at degree level, don’t expect to spend 31 months discussing possession. If that’s your bag, you’re probably better off doing an exorcism qualification

Revenge is a dish best served cold is most applicable when you’re giving your nemesis poisoned gazpacho

Write what you know could be a hindrance if you’re a science-fiction (or fantasy) novelist

Charity begins at home, but people who say it don’t tend to be charitable at home or elsewhere

Dance as if no-one’s watching may get you voted off in week one of Strictly Come Dancing

“It’s the exception that proves the rule“, when said, usually proves that the speaker doesn’t know the origin or true meaning of the phrase

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but not when you’re administering insulin to a loved one with diabetes

Too Late To Be Cool And Trendy – That’s How Cool I Am. Oh Yes.

By John

On 25/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, Link, Music, Uncategorized

Take a meme that’s already past its best, and a piece of news which nobody really cares about, and combine them, and what do you get ?

This.

Interrupt your favourite website by using this choice application.

A Calendar I Spotted In A Shop In London This Morning

By John

On 23/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, London, Pictures, Uncategorized

I almost admire their optimism in leaving it on the rack, but if it hasn’t sold yet, I don’t know if it ever will.

Don’t know if you can make out the grey effect at the top of it, but yes, that is dust.

More Blatant Than Latent

By John

On 21/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, Pictures, Uncategorized

Fragrances, like many other items, often have to sell themselves on the implied suggestion that they’ll make you more sexy.

However, some items I’ve seen recently seem to have forgotten that the sexual undercurrent, like the scent itself, is probably more effective when it’s subtle and yet somehow discernable.

You’re probably wondering: What the jiggins is Soanes on about now? Where’s his evidence? Well…

Say the name of this one out loud:

That’s not a fragrance, that’s a blatant sexual offer, surely.

And speaking of blatant –

– come on, that can’t be accidental. He wants to be careful not to catch himself on that ring, though.

If this post has offended you, please bear in mind it’s the perfume makers who are to blame – they started it. And if the filth quotient of the above is lost on you… well, bless your innocence, it’s a rare and precious thing in a bitter and jaded world.

Is There A Psychological Condition Which Involves One Seeing Things As Similar All The Time?

By John

On 18/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, Pictures, Twins, Uncategorized

If so, I think we can cheerfully label me a sufferer.

Though it does generate material, howsoever questionable.

From A Poster On London Transport Urging People To Be Pro, As Opposed To Anti, Social

By John

On 17/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, London, Pictures, Twins, Uncategorized

I wasn’t too taken with his information films for the Inland Revenue, but I hadn’t realised that Adam Hart Davis was such a social miscreant.

Still, good to see he’s working on his issues.

Rather Like That Irish Singer Shane MacGowan (Born 1957 In Kent)

By John

On 15/10/2009

In Film, Fish In A Barrel, Link, Music, Uncategorized, Writing

For reasons I really don’t need to get into, I’m currently working on a 60-minute biopic of singer Chris de Burgh.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of thought I knew everything there was to know about him; the early years, The Lady In Red, the affair with the nanny, the angry letter to the Irish Times, and all that, but I’m finding that the more I read about him, the more of an enigma the man turns out to be.

Take, for example, the opening line of the Wikipedia page for Chris:

“Chris de Burgh (born Christopher John Davison on 15 October 1948) is an Argentinian-born Irish singer-songwriter…”

I’m starting to think I may need more than 60 minutes. I tell you, the man’s a mystery… wrapped in a thriller.

Curled up inside a romance.

Thanks, Tom. And Now, Here’s Damien With The Weather. Damien?

By John

On 14/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, Pictures, Uncategorized

…oh.

Simon, You Can Have This Format Idea For A Fiver. Oh, All Right, A Quid.

By John

On 12/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, Link, Music, TV, Uncategorized

I see that Saturday’s edition of singing talent show The X-Factor featured a guest appearance by Robbie Williams. And previous episodes have featured appearances by Mariah Carey and Beyonce, with the inevitable ratings-grabbing results.

And a notion occurred to me. One which, I think, might have what the folks in the idea biz call ‘legs’.

Here it is: instead of going through the hassle of hosting regional singing heats, hiring limos and hotel rooms for judges, hiring venues and risking getting into legal trouble by utilising telephone voting for the final rounds, and then the fuss of recording the first album by the winner and promoting it… instead of all that, why not just get established singers to come onto a TV show?

You could make sure that the format works by only selecting popular singers (or even groups), and maybe link their appearance on the show to their relative popularity in some way; maybe using some quantifiable sales thing like how many CDs or downloads they’d sold that week? You could even structure the show with a crescendo aspect, so the most popular singer or band that week plays at the end – saving the biggest star until last, as it were.

Obviously, there are a couple of less positive aspects to this – there’d be less need to use Craig Armstrong’s Film Works 1995-2005 CD for all of the linky bits*, and you’d probably have to make the show a bit shorter (maybe 30 minutes instead of 90 minutes) – but I reckon that you could probably get a pretty good audience with a show like this.

Offhand, I’m not wedded to any ideas of what we’d call such a show, but you want it to be snappy and appealing that sums it up in a few words – maybe something like Hottest Of The Hits? I’m not sure, I’m just spitballing here.

Anyway, if you have an ‘in’ with any TV production people, feel free to float this idea, and see what they think. I know it sounds simple, but often those ideas have the broadest appeal.

*This is a downside as I think Mr Armstrong is a very talented composer, and I want him to be receive the royalties for his work being used. Because week after week after week after week, his music is used.

“Feed Me! Feed Me All Night Long!” (Song From Little Photoshop Of Horrors)

By John

On 07/10/2009

In Fish In A Barrel, Link, Uncategorized, Unintelligent Design

This makes me laugh, so I thought I’d share.

The story so far: Ralph Lauren put out an ad which is insanely over-photoshopped (either that, or they’re employing models who haven’t eaten in weeks), and people on the internet rightly took the michael… so Lauren issued a legalese notice, claiming that the use of their very silly image constituted copyright infringement.

So, of course the website removed the image, and apologised. Ah, all right, ya got me – they’re doing nothing of the sort, and more power to them.

And yes, you can see the image in question via that link. I’m not including it here because I want to encourage you to follow the link, and enjoy their sarcastic tone.

Besides, the picture in question really freaks me out. I don’t want it on my blog.

Category: Fish In A Barrel Page 5 of 23