Author: John Page 27 of 121

Big Issue Poetry Competition

My li’l sis has kindly pointed out to me that Big Issue In The North are running a poetry competition.

It seems like a pretty good competition – the winner is published in the magazine, interviewed, and you get books and CDs and a certificate too. There’s an entry fee, which is £2, but you can enter 7 poems for a tenner, and as all the money goes to charity anyway, I’d argue it’s all rather civilised. And before you ask, no, it doesn’t seem that you have to live in the North of England to enter.

I’m not sure if I’ll enter – I haven’t written much poetry since the inevitable teenage poems, and I’m wary of not doing anything overly purple or riddled with angst (which, if I’m honest, probably describes far too much of my poetry), but it’s for a good cause, so I am thinking about it…

Anyway, let me know if you have a go (and if you win or are a runner-up or anything like that), and thanks to my wee sis for the tip!

First With The News! Especially The Bad News! (May Contain Italics)

I’ve written before about how my then-boss was keen to be the first to tell us about the “50 planes that were unaccounted for” on 11 September 2001, and I noted then that it wasn’t true; I was interested, then, on holiday, to note how many time people seemed keen to be the first ones to share bad news, whether or not it turned out to be accurate.

An example was almost directly before we got onto the overnight train from Agra to Varanasi; the train station was pretty dirty and smelly, and the trains passing through looked packed with people (and don’t forget I’m used to the London Underground, which as we all know is often the worst transport system in the world*), and it was oppressively humid, when one of our party confidently stated that she’d been on the overnight sleeper before, and it was like a tin sweatbox on wheels. A groan went around the group, and even though another of our number said she’d been on the overnighter a couple of years ago and it hadn’t been that bad, it was as if the miserable possibility was inherently more plausible. It took root almost instantly… and was pretty quickly proven wrong.

Similarly, a couple of days before the total solar eclipse, someone from our party told us that they’d had a conversation with someone in the foyer of our hotel, and that he’d said the best place to view the eclipse wasn’t likely to be from the banks of the Ganges river, but instead from the roof of our hotel, in the city of Varanasi. I suggested that the middle of the city might not be ideal, as there might be some glare or other visual pollution from being in a built-up area, but the idea that we shouldn’t get up and go and watch the eclipse from the ghats in Varanasi seemed to seize people’s imaginations quite quickly – though it quickly fell by the wayside when someone actually went up onto the roof and reported back that it wasn’t so scenic – nothing against the HHI hotel, you understand, but being on a roof usually means walking round air-vents and ariel cables and the like.

I was struck, though, by how the people passing on these stories (and I use that word in its most ‘fictional’ meaning) seemed enormously keen to be the imparter of news – specifically, bad news. It was almost as if they had a schadenfreude-esque glee in being the first to be in the know (or, as it turned out to be, the ‘don’t know’), but particularly in relation to something grim. In a way, I think this is echoed in the general tone of newspaper headlines (and certainly of opinion columns) – there’s a general sense of being appalled or outraged, and if someone can point out a hitherto-unknown but ultimately grim proposition, or point to something current as being a sign that the barbarians are at the gate and that society’s fraying at the edges and young people nowadays no respect always on Spacebook and exams aren’t proper exams anymore it’s not like it was in my young days we’re all doomed don’t you see the end is nigh we’re all going to die –

You get the idea.

I think it was Douglas Adams who noted that the only thing that travels faster than light is bad news, and it does seem that people often take a strange pleasure in sharing the grimness, even if it applies to them – misery, as the saying goes, loves company.

Whilst I’m always keen and eager to be the first to make some devastatingly insightful remark and point out something which no-one else in the room seems to have spotted, I’m increasingly becoming wary of doing so from a reflexively negative angle, because my recent (and indeed not-so-recent) experience suggests rushing to be first with the bad news can mean that one overlooks little things like facts and accuracy.

And that genuinely is cause for concern.

*Okay, I exaggerate slightly, but given that all the tubes to and from East London have, for the last year or more, been as good as switched off all weekend, every weekend, I think my sense of grievance may not be entirely misplaced.

Appropriately Enough, This Post May Itself Be Unnecessary

In a post last week I pointed out a couple of films vying to be Least Necessary Sequel, 2009, but don’t fill in your voting card just yet – check out this contender!

Clearly, this contest ain’t over until … um, the multi-lingual copyright warnings start to appear on your TV screen.

I’ll Be Honest With You: Sometimes I Put Similar-Looking Books Down Next To Each Other…

… in the hope that the excitement contained in one might rub off on the other.

I’ll leave it to you to decide which is the exciting one.

A Bad Week For Men In Their 50s In The Film Business, To Be Sure

As you’ve probably guessed, I try to avoid covering things which everyone else is talking about in this blog, mainly because other people tend to make more insightful remarks using far fewer words than I, but:

As you’ve probably heard, the writer-director John Hughes has died, aged 59. Hughes was an amazingly prolific screenwriter, and something you may not have known – because I didn’t until I read the BBC profile linked to above – is that he also wrote more recently under the pseudonym Edmond Dantes. I enjoyed his work less as time went on, but some of his films still hold up pretty darn well, for my money: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Planes, Trains and Automobiles and the slightly-less-well-known She’s Having A Baby are still worth your time. Some of his films were a bit emotional for my tastes, and his later works seemed aimed more at younger or family audiences than me, which is interesting if you’ve ever read his frankly rude writing in National Lampoon magazine, but he was clearly someone who could write for pretty much any audience, and the “You’re so conceited” outburst in The Breakfast Club sums up a lot of how I felt about the so-called popular kids at school.

Less well-reported, but also unwelcome news, is that Blake Snyder has died – like Hughes, of a heart attack, in his 50s. Snyder’s less of a name in the general film audience, but he was a very successful spec screenwriter, and – this is how I know of his work – he wrote a terrific book on screenwriting called Save The Cat! which is a lot more funny and pragmatic than a lot of other ‘paradigm’-based books on this subject. I heartily recommend this book to you – it’s riddled with excellent analyses of how existing films have used the structure Snyder advocates, and ones which didn’t – and it’s a genuine shame that one of the more human-level teachers of writing is gone.

And both of heart attacks, in their 50s? That’s an unpleasant coincidence, at the very least.

New – And Hopefully Improved – Website

Well, after a while of threatening it, and one blind alley of trying a Flash version, I’ve re-vamped my website.

Some people have previously commented that they couldn’t see anything on the site – that may have been a side-effect of me creating it in Word and then HTML-ifying it, I guess – but hopefully this one will be more accessible across different browsers. It’s a bit more professional than the previous incarnation, I think, but I still aim to add some more stuff to it (particularly pictures, it’s a bit text-heavy at the moment), and thankfully the freebie software I found online to do it makes that sort of thing pretty straightforward.

Anyway, I’d be interested to know if you think it’s nice or nasty (or somewhere between those poles), so please feel free to have a look, and let me know. Thanks!

PreScience Fiction

You may have seen in the news that scientists have been interested to see emissions of gas on the surface of Mars.

You may also have read The War Of The Worlds by H.G.Wells, in which, in Chapter One, there is the following section:

… Lavelle of Java set the wires of the astronomical exchange palpitating with the amazing intelligence of a huge outbreak of incandescent gas upon the planet. It had occurred towards midnight of the twelfth; and the spectroscope, to which he had at once resorted, indicated a mass of flaming gas, chiefly hydrogen, moving with an enormous velocity towards this earth. This jet of fire had become invisible about a quarter past twelve. He compared it to a colossal puff of flame suddenly and violently squirted out of the planet, “as flaming gases rushed out of a gun.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and check that the cupboards in my underground compound are well stocked with canned goods.

The Competition Is Hotting Up…

… to win the coveted prize of Least Necessary Sequel, 2009! Check out these recent releases!


Coming soon: Thelma and Louise 2, and Police Academy 8: Tackleberry – The Early Years!*

*I’m kidding about these. At least, I think I made them up. Lord have mercy on us all if they’re sitting on a development list somewhere.

“…Stating Point Of View: Indicate Precisely What You Mean To Say…”

So I’m on the brink of setting pen to paper with The Body Orchard, a novel I’ve been threatening to write since … well, probably around the time that Britain joined the Common Market, or perhaps even longer ago .

Anyway, as it’s a rather complex thriller (essentially a ‘locked room mystery’ on a highly-secure military base), I’ve spent a goodly amount of time planning it all out – the relationships between the characters, the events, the forensic and investigative stuff – to the extent that I now know about 75% of what happens in it. Whilst I appreciate that going into it with every detail nailed down would probably be wisest, I’ve found that being immersed in the story often means that new possibilities become clear – I guess this is what people mean by ‘characters doing things I didn’t expect them to do’.

So I know the structure of the book, the main events and the general tone of it, but I’m finding myself pausing before I actually start the physical writing of it, because of uncertainty about one thing: the point of view from which I’m going to write.

As it’s a murder mystery, I’d like to write in the first person, so that the reader has the same information – and the same chances of solving it – as the detectives; the alternative, of course, is to write it in standard third-person omniscient narrator fashion, which would frankly be easier as it allows me to do cutaways to a knife being sharpened in a dark room (not actually a scene which appears in the story) or similar, to add some sense of foreboding and the like. However, I’m very much up for the challenge of writing a whole novel in first-person mode (something I’ve never done before), and the only real obstacle to me doing so is one very simple thing…

My main character is female.

Now, this was obviously a deliberate choice on my part, so it’s not something I can whinge about – and indeed I wouldn’t, as I’m really looking forward to writing about this character – but there was something that I heard (no, make that I was told) repeatedly when doing English at school, and then talking to people who were studying English Literature at college level, which is that male writers can’t write female characters. Not that they’re not very good at it, or that they tend to stereotype or whatever, but that they simply can’t do it.

Yes, I’d argue that this is a nonsense generalisation – and as much a heap of festering horse manure as the suggestion that female writers can’t write male characters (something I never heard with the same degree of frequency) – but unfortunately it slightly colours my thinking about writing (or approaching writing) an intelligent, capable female character in a way that’s actually more irritating than anything else.

I’m aware there’s a danger of making her into some kind of Lara Croft-meets-VI Warshawski character, or going too far in a contrary direction and making her into a cross between Bridget Jones and a member of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, but in all honesty my approach to writing women has always been the same as writing men, as quite frankly I don’t think I have any more insight into the behaviour of other men than I have into women. Granted, I have more details about the functioning (or otherwise) of the equipment, but that’s about it.

Hmm, I think I’ve actually talked myself into writing the book from her point of view, which is good, as I think it serves the story best; and if I can write from the viewpoint of Heather Watson in a way that doesn’t drag the reader out of the story to any extent (either because of an inaccurate representation of how women [or, indeed, people in general] think and behave, or due to writing which is shoddy in some other regard), then I’ll consider I’ve done what I set out to do.
Y’know, I often remember that this blog isn’t just here for the things-that-look-a-bit-like-other-things in life, it’s also here for other stuff, like stuff about writing – and, of course, me venting about the nonsense I used to hear back in college about writing (much of which, I have come to realise, bears about as much relation to creation as trying to re-create the delights of a fine meal by eating a recipe book).

So, as dull as this post may have been for you, for me it’s been very useful, as it’s helped me decide on something which was holding me back from starting on The Body Orchard. If I hadn’t tried to express this uncertainty, I suspect that the book wouldn’t be started for a while yet – though hopefully not, as the post title above alludes to, when I’m sixty-four -waiting that long would probably not be an ideal way to go about becoming a paperback writer, as much as Mary Wesley’s life and work suggests it can be done.

It’s Even Possible That It Was Based On The Taoist Yin-Yang Symbol, But I Have To Say It Doesn’t Seem Very Likely

Between 1998 and 2004, there was a comic book publisher in the USA called Crossgen Comics.

As is the case with many comic companies, Crossgen’s various titles had shared themes and some overlap of concepts, one of which was that various characters had been endowed with superhuman abilities or powers after they’d been branded with a sigil – a mark which also doubled as Crossgen’s logo, and which looked like this:

In the comics, the origin of the sigils was a running mystery which was gradually explained over the course of a couple of years, but now, well after the event, it occurs to me that perhaps readers might have saved time by looking a bit closer to home for the origin of the sigil:

Or even – if you squint a bit – this, dating from the 1960s:

And to think people worry that I wasted my time at college. Fie, I say!

Page 27 of 121

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