10 Things I’ve Learned From Watching Come Dine With Me A Smidgen Too Often

1. Anyone described as being a ‘self-confessed foodie’ is usually a bit of a pain

2. When shopping in your local deli/butcher/fishmonger, be sure to mention that you’re holding a dinner party, and address the person behind the counter by their first name more often than is normal in conversation

3. Not supplying drink for your guests, even if it’s for religious or medical reasons, usually leads to them getting a right arse on

4. Musical entertainment, whether provided by you or hired professionals, is not a good idea if you want to win

5. Any female contestant not in some kind of relationship will be labelled a ‘singleton’ in the commentary

6. Depending on how the group is constituted in terms of gender, a butler (with or without a shirt) may be popular

7. Don’t try out something new on the night of your big event (actually, re haircuts and outfits and the like, this rule applies to much of life)

8. Rare is the person who can lift the silver salver without making the money move in some way. Less rare is being able to see the cameraman reflected in the surface of the salver

9. It’s impossible to stand in the kitchen and talk to the camera about the meal you’re preparing without acting like you’re either Nigella L or Hugh F-W

10. Dave Lamb’s voiceovers for Come Dine With Me are like the commentary for Masterchef, but with an awareness that – ultimately – we are only talking about cooking here.

…Which is probably why I watch the show a bit too much, as the above rather shows.


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  1. Oddly, the Spanish version is identical, even down to the voiceover.

  2. Here's another one for you:

    11. Every contestant sneers at every other contestant's efforts, as if the former had been fed from infancy by Marco Pierre White or Michel Roux, thus rendering every other meal a bitter disappointment.

  3. Oh yes, the competitive element often makes for behaviour which wouldn't otherwise be tolerated.

  4. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=208799871817

    There's a Drinking Game page on Facebook for Come Dine With Me geeks.

    I'm afraid to say I have been party to that geekery.

  5. If you play that game and watch the omnibus edition, you'll be on the floor before the first smoke alarm goes off, surely?

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