Saturday Morning, WHSmith –

Cashier:
Do you want to buy The Times? If you do, that bottle of water will be free.

Me:
No thanks.

Cashier:
Well, it’ll work out cheaper if you do.

Me:
Maybe so, but it’ll take more than that for me to touch The Times with these hands.

Saturday Evening, a Bar –

Quite Drunk Man:
… I mean, sometimes I just want to throw a brick through the window of Tesco’s, or set the place on fire. I’m an anarchist. What do you do for a living?

Me:
Currently, I work for a branch of the Police.