Category: Fish In A Barrel Page 21 of 23

Torn From Yesterday’s Headlines

It’s often disappointing to realise that a lot of the things you learn at school bear little relation to the real world; just yesterday, I realised that all the hours spent dealing with subjects, objects, predicates and the like in sentence construction simply don’t apply.

According to the Daily Star, it’s perfectly acceptable to construct a headline by putting five nouns in a row.

(I also love the way they’ve referred to Lewis Hamilton by his forename, as if that makes it immediately apparent who they’re talking about. I like to think the staff of the Star did this after a discussion in which they concluded that if they put his surname, the whole nation would have been wondering if they were referring to David, or even Emma Hamilton.)

“Oh, It’s Easy To Mock,” They Say. To Which I Reply “All Right Then, Make It Harder To Mock.”

Let’s face it, this is just perfect.

You’d think someone might have forseen that the chosen turn of phrase might lead to scorn, really, but then again…

P.P.S. – We Changed The Narrative Through-Line When You Weren’t Looking

I know that they usually change the plot a lot when they make a book into a film, and I know that Hilary Swank has played a woman masquerading as a man before (just as Cate Blachett recently played Bob Dylan), but… well, really.

I Know This Much Is Trew

Spotted on Epping High Street earlier this week.

I think know what your first thought was on seeing this picture…
“£89.95? What a bargain! Those’ll be perfect for the Bay City Rollers convention at the Birmingham NEC next month!”

Either that, or, like me, you had one of those moments where you get a bit of vomit in your mouth.

LINK: Blair Faced Fry

If you click here, and then scroll down to the section dated 9 February 2007, there’s a free download (mp3 format) of an interview with then-Prime Minister Tony Blair, conducted (perhaps surprisingly) by writer, comedian, director and actor Stephen Fry.

I think it’s an interesting interview, covering subjects you might not necessarily expect, and showing that, contrary to expectations, there’s a genuinely sharp mind at work, one which does the country proud, and an impressive degree of articulacy. Oh, and there’s also Tony Blair saying some things.

I Put A (Can’t) Spell On You : Part Two Of Two

Oh, Central Line tube card advert, why must you taunt me so? Your message aims to breeze through my eyes as a blast of air freshener would pass through my nostrils, but instead it chokes me as if it were the stench of a commuter’s sweaty armpit. I know you were told at school that missing out apostrophes was a bad thing, but that was an admonition about omission, not an order to sprinkle them without regard for their appropriateness. Tut tut!

I Put A (Can’t) Spell On You : Part One Of Two

Oh, Sainsbury’s section header, why must you taunt me so? My vision passes across your message, and stutters and starts as if I were trying to negotiate a revolving door wearing a pair of skis. I know you were told at school that E was a bad thing, but that was an admonition about pharmaceuticals, not the fifth letter of the alphabet. Tut tut!

Yes, Yes, It’s Schadenfreude. Nonetheless…

Will this make him think twice about spouting off on subjects which don’t in some way involve internal combustion engines?

Probably not, but it certainly made me laugh.

Learn To Count Or Di Tri-in*

The Wu-Tang clan have a new album out (pictured).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to have a go at it – indeed, I’m quite an admirer of some of the members (Method Man’s duet with Texas at the 1998 Brit Awards was terrific), but…

… well, if you’re going to call your album ‘8 Diagrams’, is it not a bit daft to have the penultimate letter of that title (and indeed the Wu-Tang logo in the background) surrounded by the eight Trigrams of the I Ching?

I’m just, y’know, saying…

*A post about Wu-Tang Clan with a 50 Cent reference in the title, then. Truly, I am down with the kids. Maybe.

No, I’m Not Being Mean – With This Summary, I’m Saving You £14.99 Which You Might Spend On The DVD

Most workouts involve wearing loose-fitting exercise clothes and going to the gym, but not the WAGs’ workout! It’s all about fun – and certainly not about the correct use of the possessive apostrophe!

Here’s the regime:

1. Put on tight-fitting non-exercise clothes and go to a nightclub, or hotel bar, known to be frequented by professional footballers.

2. Assume the position.

3. Go shopping.

4. Repeat stages 2 and 3 until the money runs out, or he’s injured or dropped from the team.

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