Author: John Page 65 of 121

Clearly, They Don’t Know Jack

On 24/07/2008

In Fish In A Barrel, Pictures, Uncategorized, Writing

After my comments about how The New Yorker is noted for its lack of errors, I was rather disappointed to see the mistake shown here, on page 133 of the issue in question.

It is, as many of my fellow Limey readers will immediately realise, Jack Davenport, aka Miles of This Life or the voice of Mastercard. Tut tut.

Still, the Tomine cover is still just as pleasing as ever, so I’m not really complaining.

(The danger of a post like this, of course, is that in it I make some horrible typographical or factual error, and thus find myself open to criticism for exactly the same reason. Still, that’s what the Comments facility is for, I suppose…)

Now That’s What I Call Proper Journalism

By John

On 23/07/2008

In Link, Personal, Uncategorized, Writing

My friend Danny recently entered the Guardian Development Journalism Competition, run by The Guardian in association with the Department for International Development.

The brief was to write an article about the issues and challenges facing the world’s poorest countries, and as Danny’s a very talented writer (not to mention director, but that’s a topic for another time), and has always been much more informed about international affairs and politics than I could ever be, I was pleased to hear that he was amongst the 40 semi-finalists chosen from 400 or so entrants.

His entry’s available to read online, and I heartily recommend you have a look at it – it’s a topic which gets little coverage, but it’s extremely timely and important, and I think Danny’s written a good solid article. I have to say, more journalism of this level in actual print newspapers would make me far more inclined to read a paper on a regular basis.

You can read the article here, and I strongly urge you to do so, it’s very good.

(Almost) Free Books

By John

On 23/07/2008

In London, Uncategorized

This might be limited to the London area, but for the past couple of days, The Times newspaper has been giving away a free book with each copy, if you buy it in certain places.

And not just any old tat book, either – they seem to be giving away a different title from the Penguin Celebrations series each day; on Monday it was Everything Is Illuminated, yesterday it was Freakonomics, and today it was … well, it was this, which I decided against. But who knows which of the (really quite impressive) list it will be tomorrow?

As The Times costs 70p, it strikes me as a pretty good way to get a cheapie book – comes in at less than 10% of the cover price, and as a bonus they all have that rather classic Penguin livery which I know less from my own experience and more from my father’s bookshelves and second-hand bookshops, so they’ll all look rather swish on the shelf.

I’m not entirely sure what the locations are where this deal applies, as a quick Google shed no light, but I know that Sainsburys and Starbucks appear to be participating – it’s pretty easy to spot if a particular shop is taking part, though, as the copies of the Times are shrinkwrapped in a plastic cover with, er, a book on the front.

Apologies if you’re interested but this offer doesn’t prove to be running in your neck of the woods, but I thought it was worth sharing. After all, a book for less than a pound (with a free newspaper) is something rather unusual, wouldn’t you say?

It Seems That Mercy, And A Lack Of Discrimination, Are Only Supposed To Go In One Direction

By John

On 21/07/2008

In Link, Uncategorized

Recently, Christian Voice, the group who brought a private blasphemy prosecution against the BBC for broadcasting ‘Jerry Springer – The Opera’, lost their case, and now the head of the group has to pay legal costs of around £90,000.

Oddly enough, he’s called upon the BBC and Avalon (the management company behind JSTO) to not make him pay costs. Funny, really, you would have thought that – like, say, charity performances of the show which had to be called off, meaning cancer charities didn’t receive money – this could be seen as God’s will, and I can’t help but wonder if he would have been lenient had the judgment come down in his favour.

Anyway, the BBC have decided that they’d like to have their legal costs repaid please (probably don’t want to go ‘wasting licence-payer’s money’ as the cliché from their critics has it), which means that the head of Christian Voice is in considerable financial trouble. Damn those heathens for insisting on following ‘Due Process’… oh, hang on, Christian Voice seem to be in favour of Due Process. Oh, this is all too complicated for me to follow.

Still, I thought I’d have a little look at the Christian Voice website, and it turns out that, like many of us, they’ve had a bit of a run-in with the bank in the past and had letters in the post (from the Co-Op, in this instance). Christian Voice feel that the Co-Op have been prejudiced and discriminatory towards them, which is a pretty serious charge, isn’t it?

The full details of their concern are here, but I’ll just excerpt the most choice quote for your delectation:

“The Co-operative Bank has objected to Christian Voice banking with them. The ‘ethical’ bank who claim not to discriminate, have discriminated against Christian Voice because our Christian beliefs lead us to oppose homosexual rights and homosexual practice.”

It’s a rather tangled and tautologous paragraph, but I think I can probably condense it for you: “I have prejudices, but no-one should be prejudiced against me because of my prejudices.”

You know, I really don’t think this is the kind of behaviour Jesus had in mind for his followers when he went to the cross.

I’m Going Down To Liverpool To Do Writing, All The Days Of My Life

By John

On 21/07/2008

In Link, Uncategorized, Writing

Oh all right, the above isn’t even remotely true, but I couldn’t resist the temptation to refer to the song by the Bangles – in which, rather mystifyingly, they sing about having a UB40 in their hands, which I doubt would do them any good, them being non-UK citizens and all.

Anyway, the point is this: you may already have seen it here, but if not, there’s a writing-related event from the BBC taking place in Liverpool this week.

Auntie Beeb is sponsoring a couple of events – and they’re free of charge – at the Everyword Festival in Liverpool. Specifically, on Friday 25 July (yes, that’s this Friday). The sessions are:

From 5:00pm – 6:30pm, there’s a Q&A session on ‘Writing for BBC Television’ with Hilary Martin (Development Executive), Ellen Taylor (Producer), and Daisy Coulam (Writer), talking about what it’s like to develop drama series, and also about plans for BBC North to develop links with talents in the Liverpool region.

And from 7:45pm onwards at the Docks, there are nine plays being presented – three each from writers in London, Liverpool and Newcastle, which are apparently going to be inspired by the ports in each of these locations.

More information and details on how to book can be found here.

I probably won’t be going along (what with living a couple of hundred miles away), but if you do, let me know if it’s useful.

Nice, I think, to see that writing-related events are taking place in what is, after all, the official European Capital of Culture 2008.

LINK: Feist For The Eyes (Uc-Rated Version)

By John

On 20/07/2008

In Link, Uncategorized

Those of you with long memories may recall this post, in which I linked to a fun music video by Feist.

And lo and behold, I’m doing it again right here and now – click here to see her recent performance on Sesame Street, which is just as fun and joyous as the ‘adult version’.

Look at the smiling (and not just by the puppets)!

I genuinely find it heartwarming. Seriously.

The Issue Of Knife Crime Is A Very Serious One…

By John

On 20/07/2008

In Fish In A Barrel, Pictures, Uncategorized

… which is why the Daily Mirror’s decision to run this item yesterday, with such an innuendal headline, is slightly baffling.

Mind you, the second photo is fairly flattering to the chap in question.

Yes, I Know – Updates Are Like A Cluster Of Fallen Catwalk Models At The Moment (That Is, Rather Thin On The Ground)

By John

On 17/07/2008

In Link, Uncategorized

Please excuse the paucity of updates this week, I’m writing so much for work at the mo that I have little energy left in my fingers at other times for typing things here.

BUT! All is not lost, as – in a frankly staggering turn of events – the artist formerly known only as Mr Factory has cast aside his cloak of mystery, and started a new blog, under his own name. A name which, I am slightly alarmed to realise, I have known for almost half my life… scary.

The blog’s not scary, though, so in the absence of me, I urge you to go and spend some eyeball time there.

Although, in the broadest possible sense of the word ‘normal’, that kind of service will be resumed here very soon indeed (probably tomorrow, in fact).

I Found This In The Street, Honest

By John

On 15/07/2008

In Fish In A Barrel, Uncategorized

Memo To All News Staff – Coverage Of Exam Results In August 2008

Dear All

As you probably know, the annual coverage of A-Level results will soon be upon us (14th August, I think), and unfortunately it coincides with a number of staff members being on holiday, so we’re going to be hard-pressed to get everything written and broadcast in time without taking a few pre-emptive measures.

So, with an eye to being helpful, I’ve had some of the junior staff build up a template for coverage of the exam results, meaning that you should be able to get the stuff out there pretty much straight away, without needing fiddle around with scripts or decide on camera angles or anything like that.

The key element in all of this – and I can’t stress this highly enough – is to pick pretty girls, ideally in tight t-shirts. Nobody’s interested in teenage boys, they’re grotty urchins (I should know, I used to be one), and frankly their acne-riddled faces just ugly up the screen. Just look for the girls, okay? They’re opening their A-Level results, so they’re over the age of consent. It’s all perfectly legal, and as long as you keep to the following you’ll be maintaining the standards of journalism for which we’re so respected.

Any questions about this, do drop me a line or pop into my office.

Best,

(Signature)
Head of News Presentation
———————-
TV COVERAGE OF A-LEVEL RESULTS – SUGGESTED TEMPLATE

Open: a school building.

V/O: The school holidays. Midsummer, and the sun is shining.

Close in on the school entrance, with various students milling about (crop as necessary to keep the boys out of shot)

V/O: But it’s not all fun and games. For many of these students, today is a day which could shape their lives for the rest of their days.

Cut to attractive girls looking at pieces of paper in the school car park.

V/O: For some…

The attractive girls smile, and jump out and down screaming with delight. They hug, pressing their young bodies against each other unselfconsciously.

V/O: … the news is good.

Cut to pretty girl talking on her mobile phone, an exam result paper in her other hand.

GIRL: Mum? I passed. I PASSED!

Cut to girl looking forlorn as she reads her results. If you can arrange it, have her cry a bit, but not so it looks snotty or red-faced. Even better, get a prettier friend of hers to stand next to her, looking vaguely guilty because she’s got better results. Perhaps she could put her arm round her.

V/O: But for others, the news is … not so good.

Cut to long shot of teenage boys with exam results. Make sure they’re far enough away to be out of focus.

V/O: This is the [n]th year in a row that girls have outperformed boys in A-Levels, with the average girl’s result being 3 As and a B [check this] as opposed to the average boys’ marks being 2 Es and 2 Ns [check this].

Cut to group of teenage girls in t-shirts (and shorts if possible) looking happy and smiling, their hair catching the sun.

V/O: But there have also been criticisms that these higher grades come at the expense of standards.

Cut to man, standing in front of school gates. Get someone to do with school committees or something like that and put an appropriate caption, but try to light him to make him look somehow shabby and disreputable to undermine his comments.

ANGRY MAN: Well, A-Levels don’t mean anything any more. In the past, it was all about ability, but now… well, it’s all done by computers, and everyone can get an A grade without any problem.

Cut back to another group of girls, looking pleased and excited. Perhaps running through the sprinklers on the school field, or if it’s a really posh school, frolicking in the fountain and flicking water at each other so that the wet fabric of their clothes clings to the moist skin of their young bodies.

V/O: Such comments, though, can’t dampen the spirits of these teenagers, celebrating a day they’ll remember for ever in their lives, until the end of their days.

Cut back to studio, where anchor can read out the number for the helpline we’ll inevitably get set up for people who need help with ‘clearing’ [NB don’t give out phone number of local Scientology office, like we did last year]. Then anchor can read it out again slowly to help fill time.

[Please make sure you also use this template for the GCSE results on 21 August – use the intervening week to make the appropriate tweaks. And keep this template on file for future years.]

Are You Quite Sure About That?

By John

On 14/07/2008

In London, Pictures, Uncategorized

Spotted on Arundel Street in London – and no, it’s not a trick photo, the bricks go all the way to the left.

(I have a suspicion that it’s a former Andersen Consulting building, but I could be wrong…)