Author: John Page 16 of 121

Contains Strong Language: Oh, Won’t Somebody Think Of The Children?

So, this is something which my non-UK readers might be aware of, but Blighty folk will probably have been less likely to have seen. Hence my sharing it.

Pictured below, then, is the 1989 Fleer Baseball Cards picture of Billy Ripken, an infielder from the 1980s to the late 1990s:

This card, however, was withdrawn pretty sharpish because of its dirty vile nature. Don’t see it? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you, and look at it again.

Still not got it? Look at the pommel, as it were, of the bat.

I know: Shocking.

Even if it does makes me giggle.

You’ll Notice I Don’t Mention ‘Press Packs’ Or Other Such Possibilities.

When the Thomas Harris book Hannibal came out in 1999, I was very keen to read it.

I’d enjoyed Red Dragon and The Silence Of The Lambs – even if they were essentially the same story twice (representative of the FBI reluctantly goes to imprisoned serial killer Hannibal Lecter for insight into a current case), they were solid crime thrillers with a good sense of being a race against time, to stop a killer.

In Hannibal, on the other hand, Lecter has escaped, which removes the ticking clock element, and instead of the reality-based investigation, the tone of the book is more one of gothic melodrama, with an ending that left me speechless in the worst possible way (working from memory: Lecter digs up Clarice Starling’s dead dad, drugs her and confronts her with the corpse, and after a bit of her boss’s brains being eaten, she and Lecter become lovers). It was like I’d recorded LA Confidential and found that someone had taped Friday the 13th over the last third of it. Very disappointing. But I guess these things happen.

More strangely, though, there seemed to be a lot of very positive reviews of the book when it come out (as evinced here), often using words such as grand guignol, but hardly ever referring to the ending and making me suspect that they hadn’t actually read it all the way through before getting their reviews in. Anyway, it certainly made me less trustful of reviews, and blurbs and publicity material (I know, it’s appalling that I was 28 before that truth hit home; I like to think of it as a charming kind of naivete, but history will be the judge).

A very similar thing happened to me yesterday in relation to the new John Grisham paperback, The Associate; I used to like Grisham’s stuff a lot, though the further I went through the world of legal academia the less I enjoyed them, until I just stopped reading them.

But The Associate sounded more like The Firm, with its storyline about a newly-qualified lawyer in trouble, and I wondered if this might be a fun read. The print reviews certainly seem to suggest so – look at this gallery of praise taken from the Amazon page for the book:

It’s a damned good read. This is Grisham returning to what he knows best.
Scotland on Sunday

Grisham paints a fascinating picture. Vintage Grisham, with a really believable ending
The Guardian

Tense and exciting
Evening Standard

The suspense is there in what is easily his most recognisably ‘back to form’ novel since The Firm. Grisham has returned with a vengeance to his trademark territory: the grim world of corporate law and the sinister machinations of the men on its fringes.
The Times

In typical Grisham fashion it does hurtle along at a decent clip
London Lite

Don’t wait for the film read the book first this time. The maestro of the legal thriller’s new one centres on a brilliant student with an unfortunate secret.
Daily Sport

A classic Grisham plot, similar to his first major success, The Firm, and told with the same elegance and elan.
The Daily Mail

Grisham never disappoints and this is another fantastic read
The Sun

In The Associate, John Grisham returns to the legal milieu he explored so vividly in The Firm. Grisham is such a storyteller that you want to turn the page
The Guardian

Grisham’s new book harks back to the one that made him famous, and effectively defined the legal thriller genre: The Firm. Grisham does a fine job of evoking the insanely competitive culture of a major New York law firm.
The Mail on Sunday

… so, lots of praise there, and many of them referring to the book of his which I’d enjoyed so much, which made me feel it could be one for me… until I went onto the Amazon page and saw that the vast majority of the reviews were negative, and repeatedly spoke about one particular failing: the story just ends without resolving anything.

Seriously, check out the customer reviews; over and over again, people say how much they were enjoying the book, wondering where the story was going and how he was going to tie up the loose ends, and over and over they say that he doesn’t, that the book just ends.

And so I don’t think this is a book I’ll be buying (probably for the best, I have a sizey book-queue already), but I find myself remembering the Hannibal experience and starting to wonder how it is that professional reviewers can overlook something so fundamental as a letdown, or an absent, ending.

I’m very keen on stories that reward you for time expended on reading them by showing that, yes, we were going somewhere all along (and even better if the seeds of the end were planted near the start – as in The Shining), and whilst that’d kind of a personal preference, the concept that ‘stories should have a beginning, middle and end’ is a fairly well-known one, and you’d expect that most reviews would refer to a weak or rubbish ending (as Marie did in this review on Wednesday).

Deadline problems aside, is there a good reason why this sort of thing happens? Is it seem as in some way gauche to address such fundamental elements of a novel?

And of course, the alleged absence of a climax certainly makes the Guardian quote (second in the list above) look pretty strange – unless they’re making the point that sometimes life just carries on without tricky situations being resolved, but that seems an odd thing to do in a thriller.

Remember That Chap Who Tried To Pay A Bill With A Picture Of A Spider?

He’s still bringing the funny.

Warning: contains strong language – and weak business propositions.

The Emperor’s New Trick

Rod was so proud as he showed off his dog’s ability to sit and stay for hours as he held a biscuit towards it, no-one had the heart to tell him that the dog and biscuit were both imaginary.

I Should Have Bought A Towel As Well

So, following a bit of um-ing and er-ing about it, yesterday I bought myself one of those electronic reader devices – specifically, the Sony PRS600 Touch which you can see in the picture.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ve probably railed against electronic readers before on the blog, which is just typical of my hypocrisy and inability to maintain an opinion – well, either that, or maybe I’m the apotheosis of my suspicion that time, experience and emotion conspire to make fools and liars of us all.

That aside, the rather mundane truth is that I’ve recently been given some very lengthy PDFs which I need to read and review, and given my tendency to migraine headaches, I don’t want to spend any more time in front of a screen than I absolutely have to, and the non-backlit nature of the reader, plus its portability, seems a pretty good solution.

So far, I’m find it’s very much fit for purpose. I’m not looking to buy loads of eBooks (if any – I already have enough actual paper books waiting to be read), but I’ve loaded the PDfs successfully and they seem to work fine. Oh, and Sony give me 100 classic (yes, that does mean out-of-copyright) books with it, so it’s fairly well stocked pretty much from the start.

The main reason for my posting, though, is to share something I thought was quite amusing, though perhaps only if you have a bit of familiarity with the book in question; there are various sample chapters on the Reader when you buy it (in a variety of languages: Le Rouge Et Le Noir and Les Trois Mousquetaires, to name but deux), and one of those is the opening couple of chapters of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. I think Douglas Adams would be amused by this.

But no, the Reader doesn’t have the words ‘DON’T PANIC’ inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover. Although a customisation plan does spring to mind…

And before you ask why I didn’t just get the Stanza app for the iPhone, my simple answer would be ‘because I don’t have an iPhone’.

Sort-Of Free Comedy CD

If you’re a fan of the work of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore (I’m talking about the more mainstream stuff here, not Derek and Clive…), then you might be interested in this offer via the Chortle website.

For £1.99, you can get a CD of their sketches ‘n’ stuff – and that CD itself is nominally free, that’s the postage charge.

Not a bad deal, I’d say (oh, and there are other CDs on that link at reduced prices too). Worth a look.

Besides, it gives me the opportunity to post this photo of the lovable duo.

Chatsworth Revisited

So, over the weekend, Mrs S and I went to Chatsworth House in Derbyshire.

Built in the 1500s, and with landscape gardening by Capability Brown, it’s – oh, I can’t sustain the factual stuff. Here’s a picture of me in the sculpture gallery, pointing at a statue’s bottom.


(This post is dedicated to my brother – hope this is sufficiently not-about-writing for you.)

A Never To Be Repeated Offer

Available for a limited time, a boxed set containing a DVD which contains the highlights of two previously-released DVDs, one of which featured the same material as the other but performed in a different venue.

Buy early for Christmas!

Fortunately, Both These News Stories Have A Happy Ending For Everyone Except The Criminals

Five years old: given his state, I wonder if he thought she was a ghost or something.

Ninety-One Years Old and Nude: is anyone else reminded of the man in the bobble-hat who runs out of the house in the film Sideways? No? Ah well, just me then.

And now, over to Derek for the sports update.

You’re Aware Of Miranda, Right(s)?

So, slightly tucked away in an odd-ish slot of the BBC schedules (8.30pm on BBC2), is a bit of a gem: the sitcom Miranda, starring and written by Miranda Hart – a name you might not recognise, but you’ll probably know her by sight; look, there she is in the picture on the left there, not enjoying a cup of tea. See, told you that you’d recognise her.

Anyway, as I said to m’Mrs yesterday after watching the second episode, it’s an almost classic sitcom – packed with jokes and silly situations, it’s just the sort of thing I’d hope to see in the 8.00pm slot on BBC1, really, but I guess the slightly rude nature of some of it is what’s pushed it to the channel next door. Bit of a pity, as I think this is the sort of show which deserves wider exposure because (a) it’s very funny and (b) I’d rather see this kind of show as the standard, not the exception.

But enough plugging, you’re probably so completely won over by my praise that you’re wondering how you can go about catching up on the series so far. Well, lucky you, the BBC iPlayer is your friend, and you can read more about the programme, and play catch-up, by clicking here.

And if slapstick’s your thing, be aware that she does some of the best falling-over work I’ve seen in quite a while. What with that and verbal gags, I reckon that makes it pretty much something for everyone.

Page 16 of 121

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