Here, then, are some facts about me which might surprise you, but they’re all utterly true. Thought I’d share:

1. I was knocked down by a car at the age of 7.
2. I was the only male in the ‘Top 6’ recorder group at my junior school. I was miming quite a lot of the time.
3. I’ve never been met at the airport by a loved one on returning to the UK.
4. My geography is appalling. I genuinely have no idea where, for example, Sweden is (sorry, Sweden).
5. I’ve never put the phone down on anyone in anger (yet).
6. The first album I ever owned was a tape of a Muppet Show album. A home-recorded tape, at that.
7. I have watched Dirty Dancing and Dirty Dancing 2, and think they’re all right.
8. I’ve never walked out of a film at the cinema (yet).
9. I seem to have been genetically gifted with large lungs, but cursed with migraine headaches.
10. In relation to women, I’ve rebuffed far more offers than I have accepted.

Those were (some of) my truths, now tell me yours. Seriously, send in your surprising boasts/confessions to surprisesurprise@johnsoanes.co.uk, and I’ll post the most knee-bucklingly staggering ones (let me know if you’d rather I withheld your name) … that should help make this post seem less self-absorbed.

Well, perhaps.