1. This Easter, despite being a godless infidel heathen, I received eight large chocolate bars, two smaller bars, and an Easter egg. Is it any wonder that I was recently asked if I’d gained weight? I love my friends and family dearly, but they’re being staggeringly literal in the way they’re going about ensuring that they see more of me.

2. I don’t normally watch soap operas, but have seen some whilst staying at my parents’ house over Easter, and can’t help but note that the dialogue in Coronation Street appears to be much better than in Emmerdale or EastEnders. By ‘better’, I particularly mean ‘at least half-similar to the way people actually speak’, as EastEnders is notable in how much fun the script writers and actors are clearly having with the lines, but is equally notable in how little it actually resembles real speech.

3. Free DVD alert: if you haven’t already seen it, Morgan Spurlock’s certainly-worth-a-watch ‘Supersize Me’ is free with The Guardian next Saturday.