Category: Link Page 27 of 54

Yes, I Fully Intend To Write The Theme Tune, And To Perform The Aforementioned Theme Tune. What Of It?

So, Minder returned to British TV last night. The original cast is long gone, to be replaced by some members of the Frat Pack or ex-cast members of Skins… well, by Shane Richie and another chap, anyway.

The thing is, Richie doesn’t play Arthur Daley, the character memorably ‘minded’ by two different bodyguards in the original run of the series, he plays Archie Daley, Arthur’s nephew. Fair enough, but back in the tail-end of the original series, when Arthur’s minder Terry left for Australia, his new bodyguard was his nephew, Ray Daley.

So Arthur’s got two nephews, both surnamed Daley. Presumably they’re both sons of the same father – Arthur’s brother, who asked him to take Ray on as his replacement minder. But if we’re to assume that both Ray and Archie are about the same age as the actors portraying them, they’re both the same age, as both Gary Webster and Shane Richie were born in 1964. And if they have the same father, they may well be twins (or perhaps have a very tired mother).

So why would Arthur’s brother ask him to take on one son as his minder, but not the other? Archie, it seems, takes after his uncle, so perhaps it was felt that he would be best kept away from him lest he should become too much of a sheepskin-wearing wideboy of the playground, but if Arthur was frowned upon as a potential bad influence upon Archie, that wouldn’t sit well with him being asked to take on Ray, would it ? And if they’re brothers, perhaps twins but even if not raised in the same environment, they’re bewilderingly different in demeanour.

If they’re not brothers, of course, that would explain how different they are in temperament, but having two brothers suggests a fairly extensive family background for Arthur, and this was something which wasn’t exploited to much effect in the original series, as far as I recall. There was, I seem to remember, a book recounting Arthur’s life (ah, here it is) – does anyone know if there was any reference to his family tree in it?

I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t watch the opening episode of ‘New Minder’ last night, as I wasn’t a huge fan of the original series, and the trailers made it look a bit too much like the Lock, Stock And… TV series* for my tastes.

But as one who takes a keen interest in narrative continuity and internal consistency, if any of you good folks watched it, can you let me know if they did anything at all to deal with this issue? To diehard followers of the show in the past, the continuity errors could be deeply troubling, and distract from their enjoyment of the show, and it’d be nice if there’d been a little throwaway reference to the family background as a sort of tip of the hat to the fans.

On the other hand, the above might just be a sarcastic dig at the exhumation of a once-popular show in a form which bears only scant similarity to its namesake, as opposed to, well, coming up with something original.

*Oh yes, I still remember that. Mr Ritchie (another one!), and its sponsors The Sun would rather it was dust and forgot, but I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday…

But… Whuh… Huh?

If you ignore the fact that the report returns to the Ross-Brand-Sachs issue like a dog to its own vomit, I think there’s a fair amount of amusement to be had in this story.

I think the phrase “[t]he BNP is technically an ethnic group” may be one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. Certainly brought a smile to my face (such as it is).

Bright Lights, My City

I live, as I’ve probably mentioned several million times before, in London. And I love it – the city’s endlessly fascinating, and it’s been kind to me, bringing me a number of opportunities and friends I doubt I would have encountered elsewhere (and yes, that includes my lovely wife).

So, it’s with an utterly ill-founded sense of pride (seeing as how I wasn’t actually born in London, as much as I consider it my home) that I provide you with the link to this page, where you can see a selection of frankly stunning aerial pictures of London taken at night by the ferociously talented photographer Jason Hawkes.

The picture reproduced here, I hope, gives you a hint of the delights that await you – and yes, I chose this one because it’s a view of my manor, East London. Other than that, and unusually for me, I have little else to add – save that to point out that the picture above is, of course, totally and utterly copyright Jason Hawkes, and the reproduction here is done out of respect and awe as opposed to any kind of attempt to infringe!

Anyway, stop reading my semi-disclaimer, and get thee to the pictures!

If I Scribble The Name In A Hurry, It Looks More Like Tate Modem

Thanks to Lianne for pointing out that the Tate Modern art gallery is running a story-writing competition; in conjunction with its current TH.2058 installation, you’re invited to write a 1500 word piece in keeping with the themes. The prize is quite an interesting one – six stories will be selected to be included in a downloadable audiobook, which will be read by Christopher Eccleston.

The competition closes on Sunday, and if you want to read my entry, Brittle, it was posted on the site this morning (they moderate entries to make sure there are no offensive or libellous aspects, which seems sensible), and you can see it by clicking here.

Let me know if you have a go, and if you want to comment on my story, by all means do so.

It Ships ‘Second Quarter 2009’ Though, So It’d Be Too Late For Valentine’s Day


Available to pre-order now is this little beauty – well, actually it’s wildly inaccurate to call it ‘little’, as it’s 7’8″ tall, and comes with poseable arms.

So, you can set it up in the bathroom at night with outstretched arms to freak out your nearest and dearest. And the cost to do so? A mere $4999.95 (about £3500).

Y’know, I can’t decide if it’s one of the most preposterous or amusing items to purchase I’ve ever seen in my life. Maybe it’s both?

I Hope Someone Tells Them – After All, The Original Name Of The Main Chap In Star Trek : Enterprise Was (Apparently) Jeffrey Archer

I see that a new incarnation of the 1980s SF series ‘V’ has been announced.

Let’s hope that they don’t decide to go with the same name for the main character

I’m Sure There’s A Word That I Could Remove From This Title

I was re-reading Bill Martell’s ’16 Steps To Better Descriptions’ today, courtesy of a reminder link on Lucy’s site.

It’s a good solid chunk of advice, and I heartily recommend it to you. One line in particular caught my attention :

“The easiest two words to trim out of a sentence are AND and BUT. Usually these words are completely unnecessary. Cut them.”

I agree completely, but I’m actually acutely aware that (as well as lengthy sentences with excessive sub-clauses), one of my writing habits is the overuse of the word ‘that’. Not as a pronoun, but rather as a linking word, when a lot of the time it’s superfluous – as in ‘I know [that] you’ve got the treasure map, now hand it over’, to quote a line I said just this morning (don’t ask).

So, in the spirit of sharing and confession, which words or phrases – if any – are you aware you overuse? Are there certain words which you have to keep an eye out for in re-reading, and invariably find yourself removing as unnecessary? Do share, I’d feel better if I wasn’t the only one who’s openly flawed.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being aware of this sort of thing, of course – after all, Arthur Conan Doyle uses the word ‘singular’ repeatedly in describing Holmes’s cases (which strikes me as a bit of a paradox), and Damon Runyon used the phrase ‘more than somewhat’ so often that it became almost a catchphrase, and eventually the title of one of his books.

So, no shame in it – which is to say: go on, ‘fess up!

This Sale Must End Midnight Sunday

As we all know, the television production company Kudos have a nice line in popular and stylish TV programmes.

However, they’re not the first to have done so – there were a number of TV programmes in the 1960s and 1970s which were similarly smooth but also very entertaining. An obvious example would be The Prisoner, the classic TV series featuring the recently-passed Patrick McGoohan (not to be confused with Play School presenter Stuart McGugan, as happened more than once when I was growing up).

Anyway, all this is a typically lengthy preamble to alerting you good people to the fact that Network, a firm specialising in DVDs and soundtracks of many of the shows from this era, is currently running a sale on its website, with most items being 40% off.

So if you’re into Danger Men, Men In Suitcases, or even Motels At The Crossing Of Two Roads, you might want to have a gander before the sale ends at midnight on Sunday.

(I have no affiliation or bias in relation to Network, just wanted to make sure that you folks get to take advantage of the reduced prices. I like to think you’d do the same for me…)

I Thought Madonna Had Sworn Off Acting After The Bad Reaction To ‘Swept Away’?

This was the poster they put out here in the UK – oddly enough, the theatrical poster used in other countries doesn’t make Julianne Moore look like herself either.

What’s all that abaht, then?

And I Won’t Be Surprised If The ‘Pretzel Fainting Incident’ Is Revealed, In His Memoirs, To Be Something Rather Different

It’s an embarrassing thing when a band or music artiste you like puts out a not-so-good album, especially if you’ve previously been vocal in praising them. And in much the same way, it’s awkward for people who’ve made allegiances to political parties or even particular politicians, only for them to do something boneheaded or prove themselves unworthy of that support.

That said, I think that the annals of history are unlikely to view George W. Bush as a very good president at all. In fact, all things considered, I think it’s probably very likely that he’ll be viewed as the worst president that the USA has ever had. And, to my mind, rightly so.

Putting aside the issue of the non-finding of bombs or similar in Iraq – let’s leave that as the GOP elephant in the room, as it were – and the fact that he permitted torture and detention without charge (both in contravention of the UN Declaration on Human Rights) on his watch, let’s look at the record from the only perspective which seems to matter to many people – that is, the economic angle.

When Bush entered office, the federal budget surplus was $127bn. Last year, the federal budget deficitreached $455bn, and is expected to top $1trillion this year. That’s not good, is it? Obviously, a lot of this has been caused by expenditure on … er, let’s say international diplomacy, but even more of it is the result of the current economic situation, much of which appears to have been caused by banks. Now, one might argue that this should be blamed by the banks, but if you’re in charge of a country, you have the power to regulate banks; if you don’t do so and it all goes round the U-bend, it’s about as surprising as … um, well, the last time this happened as a result of unregulated lending institutions lending too much money on bad mortgages. Those who don’t learn from history are indeed condemned to repeat it.

Anyway, it’s all too easy to kind of write off Bush as a joke president, and the last eight years as some kind of comedic aberration, which would be fine if it many of the consequences of the last two presidential terms weren’t so un-funny. Here, though, is my favourite Bush-era joke, courtesy of Alan Moore:
Q: What do you call an eight-year-old Iraqi kid with no arms, surviving family members, or unblackened skin below his waist?
A: I don’t know. I was shouting at the TV and I didn’ t catch his name.
Ha ha ! It’s hysterically funny, isn’t it? Now watch this drive.

So, I can’t say I’ll be sorry to see the man go, not at all – but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I think Obama will be the cure to all ills, so please don’t go thinking that I hold any brief for the Democrats either. Though the fact Obama can string a sentence together suggests he may be nearer to the sort of candidate for the role that an electorate might hope for. And that, in essence is much of the reason why I’ll be pleased when Bush is out – there seems to be very little in his record which suggests that he’s fit to hold high office, and I think it’s a hard-fought argument to suggest that he’s the best man for the job, or the best representative of the USA. He’s supposedly quite charming in person, and great at the people-stuff, but that’s probably more appropriate for the mayor of a small town, or maybe the captain of a bowling league, if you want to play it safe.

None of this, I hasten to point out, should be construed as an attack on Americans per se – most USA-born folks I’ve ever met have been perfectly decent people, and their motivation and drive to better themselves (in whatever way they define that) is probably a lot stronger than that of the UK; M’colleague once pointed out the difference between the UK and the USA thus: “In the UK, if people see a Ferrari drive by, they’ll sneer at the rich swine. In the USA, people see a Ferrari drive by and decide they’ll work hard and buy one with the money they’ve earned”. A simplification, yes, but it’s certainly a difference that I’ve seen for myself, and it’s an admirable one. My point is, the american people deserve a better figurehead than they’ve recently had. Whilst I had serious reservations about John McCain’s running mate, the man himself seemed more plausible than Bush (when he spoke about war, he actually knew what he was talking about) – then again, even though he wasn’t elected President, he seems to be otherwise employed, playing Colonel Tigh in Battlestar Galactica.

Lots of words here on this subject, but for those of you who prefer political issues in numerical form, I’d urge you to have a look at the summary of the Bush era created by the US-based Magazine Harpers, which can be seen here. I would politely draw your attention to the amount of time he spent on, or en route to, holiday.

Speaking of things on the newsstands, the picture accompanying this post is the ‘variant cover’ of the current issue of Amazing Spider-Man, featuring President-as-of-tomorrow Obama. There’s been quite a bit of news coverage of this, for some reason, and when I went to my comic shop of choice the other day, I asked if they’d had much call for it. The chap behind the counter said yes, they had, but as it was a limited edition item, they’d run out almost immediately. “Quite a few people seemed to be buying it as a historic thing,” he said, “to note the event”. We agreed this was odd, as people could buy something a bit more immediately relevant, such as the newspaper that comes out that day. Or that week’s Time magazine. Though probably not, I’d like to think, the plate.

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