If you want sex – good sex, hot sex, steamy sex, the kind of sex that makes your insides tingle and your brain feel like it’s been squeezed tightly by an ice-cold hand, well… well, you’ve come to the wrong place. This is only a blog, after all, and it’s early on Sunday morning.

What I can offer, though, is Bad Sex. Well, details of this year’s Bad Sex In Fiction Award, anyway.

You want it? Then put your ‘pointer’ here.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to roll over and go back to sleep.