How To Annoy People – Lesson The Second

People who don’t take kindly to sarcasm
They say: “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know.”
You say: “Perhaps, but at least it’s an attempt at wit, unlike parroting aphorisms.”

People who try to make themselves sound like sexual adventurers
They say: “Well, pain is very close to pleasure.”
You say: Nothing. Stamp on their foot.
And then ask, “Did you like that? Are you feeling frisky now? Are you?”

People who quote cliches to make themselves sound emotionally complex
They say: “There’s a thin line between love and hate.”
You say: “Only if looked at in a two-dimensional sense. If you take the bigger view, there’s actually a vast plain between the two.”

People who generalise on the subject of TV comedy
They say: “Of course, all the best shows end after two series – Fawlty Towers, Spaced, The Office…”
You say: “… Seinfeld, Only Fools and Horses, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Reggie Perrin, Peep Show…oh, hang on a mo…”


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  1. And let us not forget Frasier – 11 series with maybe just a couple of duff episodes (clip shows) or the hugely underrated Coupling or Futurama or Father Ted or The Simpsons or Black Books or Family Guy or The League of Gentlemen or Men behaving badly or … your chum is talking out of his capacious and malformed arse isn’t he/she/it?

  2. Absolutely – but it’s a thing I often hear from people who’ve been over-influenced by the hype surrounding Mr Gervais’s output, to be honest…

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