People who don’t take kindly to sarcasm
They say: “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know.”
You say: “Perhaps, but at least it’s an attempt at wit, unlike parroting aphorisms.”

People who try to make themselves sound like sexual adventurers
They say: “Well, pain is very close to pleasure.”
You say: Nothing. Stamp on their foot.
And then ask, “Did you like that? Are you feeling frisky now? Are you?”

People who quote cliches to make themselves sound emotionally complex
They say: “There’s a thin line between love and hate.”
You say: “Only if looked at in a two-dimensional sense. If you take the bigger view, there’s actually a vast plain between the two.”

People who generalise on the subject of TV comedy
They say: “Of course, all the best shows end after two series – Fawlty Towers, Spaced, The Office…”
You say: “… Seinfeld, Only Fools and Horses, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Reggie Perrin, Peep Show…oh, hang on a mo…”