Perhaps rather ungallantly, Phil Jupitus has said that in recent years, every time Madonna sings something ‘raunchy’, all he can hear is the phrase “Come and give your Auntie a kiss”.

For my part, I find it far more disturbing that so many of her videos and publicity shots seem to be rather emphatically … well, let’s say groinal. It might be that as the mother of several children, she’s quite intoxicated with the life-creating power of her womb, but in a strange parallel with Mr Jupitus, when I see recent pictures of Madonna, almost all of them make me hear words in the same vein as the following…

“Look at my crotch! Look at it!”

“I don’t care if you want to look or not! Look at it!”

LOOK AT IT! And then, buy the album and tickets for the tour. Thanks.”