Bridegroom, but can’t be bothered to write a speech for your big day? Well, just download a Groom’s speech template from the internet! Some people might think that this, in itself, shows a lack of commitment to the day, but what do they know?
Guest, but not going to attend? Don’t let the people organising the wedding know too early – instead, do it the classy way, by waiting until a week or so before, and then sending a message over Facebook*! All the effectiveness of saying no, but with none of the messiness of having to actually communicate with human beings.
Oh, the fleshy humans, how we all loathe them.
*I don’t have a link for this one, but as you can probably guess, it’s just happened to me and my fiancee. Imagine how impressed we were.